Arrowhawk Hockey Club: 30% less ass-wipes

Arrowhawk Snow leading "Occupy the Ice Haus" Protest this weekend

2012-01-26T06:54:00.000-08:00

by Dickie Dunn

COLUMBUS, OH - Hawk stalwart Barry Snow has seen enough. A CBJ season ticket holder since day one, his basement is littered with PSL owner annual appreciation trinkets, but the current ineptitude of the club can no longer be overcome by a shiny plastic replica helmet encased in Lucite. "I'm fed up with all the losing. I started buying seats behind the visitor bench so I could taunt those sucks when the Jackets win." When asked about why he still attends every game without fail he replied, "I'm hoping one of the Mite teams playing between periods will forget to bring a goalie and they'll ask me to suit up. That would be awesome. Plus, it seems like the Predators are in town every other week. My seats are close enough to catch a whiff of Barry Trotz' thinning hair after he comes back from an intermission heater. He tries to cover it up with lilac scented lotion, but I can still smell the Camel nonfilter."

When asked why he was going to protest, Barry became more animated. "I think it's about time the Jackets cleaned house. I've seen some great players come through Nationwide Arena these last 11 seasons. Guys like Yzerman, Crosby, Brodeur, Sakic, and Iginla. We've tried to counter with the likes of Mattias Timander, Radim Bicanek, and Jean Luc Grand-Pierre. I'm sure the guys we trotted out there are nice enough to have a beer with, but there's no chance we could win hockey games with them. The organization is broken and needs to torn down and rebuilt. Oh, and Stinger. He's gotta go, too."

When pressed about his protest plans, Barry gave a preview. "The Hawks play downtown on Friday night. I figure I'll play, grab a couple of beers at the R Bar after the game, then make up some excuse about forgetting my gear in the locker room so one of the security guards will let me back into the Ice Haus. Then I'm going to run away and hide in the Zamboni room until the next morning. That counts as occupying, right?" Will he be joined by other protesters, like the group that plans to protest outside the Arena on Saturday morning? "Nah, I'm really just using the Ice Haus as a place to crash on Friday night. I live really far away and I'm usually pretty tired after we play the Panther/Whalers. I figure a night in the Zamboni room is cheaper than the Hyatt."

Watch out Mssrs. Howson and Priest. Barry might be in the building.

Hawks drop season opener 3-2

2012-01-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

The new and improved Arrowhawks were anything but that as the Eskimos skated to a 3-2 victory in front of packed house at the Easton Chiller. To clarify, the house was packed because of meltdown...but those who did watch were treated to an odious performance by the men in red. The first period saw many missed passes and botched scoring attempts, to be expected after several weeks off of the ice. Steven Gemma opened the scoring for the Eskimos on a unassisted tally, at the 8:28 mark, beating Hawks goalie Jason Jensen to take a 1-0 lead. The Hawks then mounted a rare offensive attack and Bryce Griffith, fresh off of his stint on Celebrity Rehab for his chap stick addiction, evened the game at 1 with Mark Monahan and Tom Morgan adding the helpers.

As the 2nd period began the Hawks were starting to gain the momentum needed to become the leagues first 3-peat champs when Captain Mark Monahan took a Ted Bulwinkle feed and gave the Hawks the lead 2-1 with 10:31 left in the 2nd. It was clear that the Eskimos were not ready to concede the game as the Kobs' brothers scored back to back goals to seal the deal for the Eskimos. Jonathan Edwards, Eric Ott and Jeff Martin all played well for the 'Mos but Defenseman Tom Curran was the difference on both ends of the ice.

The Hawks will have to lick their wounds and rebound this week against the Mamas. "We were rusty tonight and maybe a little complacent" said Captain Mark Monahan. "We played like Sh*t" said a much less eloquent Tom Morgan, "we better get our as*es in gear if we're going to make a run at it" Morgan continued. Indeed...

Sasquatch squash Junior B's 4-1

2012-01-13T12:59:00.000-08:00

The Junior B Hawks hopes to a fast start this session were dashed by a potent Messing With Sasquatch club Sunday, after 3 third period goals. Not even former Friday Arrowhawk Jeff Augenstein could provide the Junior B's the spark they needed. Our crack reporting staff wasn't there for the game, but we'd imagine it went something like this.

Sasquatch scored the first goal just :47 seconds into the game when Hawk captain Neil 'Rocket' Richard fired a brilliant cross-ice pass to a streaking Dan Turk (Turk was literally streaking because he lost a pre-game bet with team prankster Dave Mustafaga who bet Turk he couldn't hold his breath longer than 3 minutes without passing out. After Turk regained consciousness, he was disoriented, took off his clothes and ran onto the ice). The confusion was enough to give the opposing team the edge. They potted the goal and the Hawks were behind.

"We're just glad he regained his wits and got dressed," said a relieved Richard.

"A bet's a bet," said Turk after the game. "I was fine after the ref reminded me that full pads weren't optional."

Turk and the Hawks settled down after that. It was a close-fought battle of open ice hits, massive slappers and enough dangling to make put a brown trout to sleep (now THAT's a wonderful metaphor).

The Hawks tied the game 1-1 when #6 Jeff Slinger released a wicked wrister past the outstretched arm of Squatch goalie Brent Baire. David Kleen and a fully dressed Dan Turk assisted on the play. Immediately after the goal Jeff Augenstein began singing Pearl Jam ballads on the bench. Dave Cameron, fearing the team would lose its edge, ordered Augenstein to stop singing or "at least sing some AC/DC or Zeppelin." Augenstein offered some Jonas Brothers but was quickly shut down.

So too were the Hawks. The Squatch shut the Hawks down the rest of the game, and rattled off 3 third period goals to grab the win.

"There's always next week," said Richard. "We'll be ready."

Hawks Mo's preview

2012-01-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

COMFY COUCH, OH - The six time champion Arrowhaws will open the winter session against the freakin' Eskimos at 10:00 pm at Easton this Friday. The winter roster has a few new familiar faces. #36 RW Bryce Griffith, #25 Kevin Griffith and #18 Nate the 'suburban assasin' have rejoined the club fulltime. Also joining the club will be the senior Griffith, #27 Bryan Griffith. Nick Elswick, John Kenyon, and Rick Titus round out the roster as subs.

"We've tweaked the roster a bit this session to give us a touch more speed on the top six," said session GM Tom 'Powder' Morgan. "We'll miss Elswick's grit, Kenyon's writers and Titus' amazing speed and dominant skill in both zones, but we're confident the new guys are ready to make a difference." he added.

If the Hawks are going to win, they'll need to skate fast and get plenty of traffic in front.

"The Eskimos are always a tough opponent," said captain Mark Monahan. "We'll have our work cut out for us in both zones. They have some tall guys, some short ones, some pudgy get in your way guys and a massive goalie who man's their net. We counter with some slow guys, fast guys and many who'll lose an edge while checking out the hot fans in the stands. If we can keep Barry from checking out the ladies, we should be fine."

Mr. Mac Finally Gets His Title

2011-12-29T10:06:00.000-08:00

12.23.11 - Lewis Center, OH - Most of what's happening in Columbus hockey is owed to John McConnell, the founder of Worthington Industries and the guy who wrote the check to bring the Blue Jackets to Columbus. Hundreds of adult league teams, millions of tiny kids in skate guards with mom and dad in tow, and at least 20 grown men who seem to lose as often as possible owe their Columbus hockey existence to Mr. McConnell. All he wanted was a title, and the CBJ have woefully under-delivered. The JHM patch on their sweaters is a nice story, but sheesh guys, let's finish a game once in a while, no?

The Mr. Mac that got his title on Friday was Michael McDonald, formerly of Steely Dan and the Doobie Brothers, as he inspired the ever-present Arrowhawks to their second consecutive (and sixth overall) Friday Night CAHL championship. "We've been singing Doobie Bothers and Michael McDonald songs at the bar all fall, win or lose" said Hwak second liner Jason Torsok. "That dude is smooth and soulful, sorta like my skating stride."

The game was a Friday night classic. Both teams had a couple, but not a ton, of chances. After a scorelss opening stanza, DannyRott put the Pucks ahead when he fired in a wrister from the top of the slot in the middle of the second period., "I thought we had them at that point. They're not a play-from-behind kind of team" said one-time Hawk Tommy Parker III. "Let's be honest. The Pucks are faster, better looking, and better drivers than the Hawks." Oh yeah? Who said so?

The third period opened with the Hawks' third line buzzing and pinning the Pucks deep. "We should've had one, or two" claimed extremely tall ArrowHawk Nick Elswick. "We could feel it coming." Or as Mr. Mac would say, "Yah Mo Be There.'

With just over 6 minutes to go in the third period, Hawk defenseman "Minnesota" Nick Lanctot wound up and carried the puck into the offensive zone for the Hawks, creating a bit of havok as he took the puck tot he net. After a shot, a save, and about 12 seconds of soccer on skates, the puck popped out to Hawk captain Mark Monahan who shot a piddly little wrister that snuck through the pads of Puck netminder Jamie Santho. Game tied. "Wow, seeing the Hawks tie it up makes me want to sing a song about comebacks" said a suddenly interested Michael McDonald. How about a little "Sweet Freedom?".

The final three minutes saw the Hawks take, then kill a really questionable penalty. "We thought we were dead," said a hugely shoulder-padded Kevin Griffith. " You give that team a really good chance like that and they usually cash it in, like anybody playing against the CBJ."

Ultimately, the championship hoodies were awarded based on a goofy shootout. The Hawks snuck through in 4 rounds, but would have preferred to win on a goal during play. "Whatever," said a slight annoyed John Kenyon. "3 mintues of sudden death and a shootout is a crappy way to decide 15 weeks of hockey, but do you see how nice I look in this sweatshirt? Call me Adonis."

CAHL Commisioner Martin Spanhel (and his shiny shoes) were on hand to congratulate the winners. "In my country, Abba is what inspires champions. I've heard your team prefers the Doobies." Yes, Martin, we do prefer the Doobies. And Michael McDonald's Christmas Album. And, of course, "What a Fool Believes."

See you guys in a couple of weeks.

Hawks best Pucks 2-1 in OT thriller

2011-12-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Arrowhawks put there best netminder forward tonight, besting a fantastically skilled Pig Pucks team, 2-1 in a thrilling overtime shootout. League commissioner Martin Spanhel was even on hand to witness the game. If you weren't one of the lucky twenty or so fans in attendance I'll do my best to fill you in.

Think Ali Frazier -- two heavyweight slugging it out. Center ring, trading blows. It was that kind of night. It was what every beer league hockey player hopes happens at the end of their session. The final decision could have gone either way.

The Big Pucks had defeated the Hawks two times during the regular session. Once on an overtime shootout behind Letizia's brilliant slapper. The second time in regulation behind Wharton and Santho's dominant will. If the Hawks were to win their sixth championship, it would take disciplined skating in both zones from all three lines of forwards and two lines of defense. From the Hawks perspective, they did just that.

The Big Pucks brought their A game tonight, though their bench may disagree. Goaltender Jamie 'Freakin' Santho and his cool as hell shamrock mask was a stone wall. Mike Letezia, an Arrowhawk killer, was terrific in both zones. Tommy Parker was his usual self, calmly controlling the puck in the defensive zone and setting up his forwards with crisp as hell transition passes. Bryan Wharton, a league-leading point man every session, brought a heavy-handed haymaker that just didn't land. The Hawks had defenseman Mac Lawless and Nick Lanctot to thank for slipping the punch.

"We knew if we were going to win we'd have to shut Wharton down," said captain Mark Monahan. "He's able all over the ice and they don't have a weak skater among them." he added.

Monahan was the difference tonight. He scored the Hawks tying goal and added the critical goal in the shootout when all hope looked lost for the Hawks.

"Mark did his thing, patrolling both zones and skating like the champion he's become," said linemate Tom Morgan. "He's shown during this playoff run why he's the league's top two-way player, even though he has a lousy taste in music."

Monahan adopted Michael McDonald's timely classics to gain inspiration. "Who can argue with McDonald's brilliant tone?" asked Monahan after the game.

Although this beat reporter is proud of the Hawks outcome, I'm reminded of just how far hockey has come in Central Ohio. I didn't grow up playing the game. It took the Browns leaving Cleveland in 1995 for me to strap on the skates with by apparent broken ankles. Year upon year of losing game after game gave me an appreciation for the sport and for players like Monahan, Morgan, Jensen and the others in the league. Over the course of fifteen years we've lost more lopsided games than one can count, only to finally be a quality team. I'll never forget a former league commissioner saying, "just add some better guys" and one day you'll be able to compete. I look at the Friday night league and how competitive it has become, with really good skaters and even better guys and I'm proud to be a part of what Central Ohio beer league has become. I don't know about the other nights, but Friday night C2 action is fun as hell, win or lose. It's team's like the Big Pucks, Maple Leafs and Eskimos that make Fridays fun to look forward to. And it's guys like Barry Snow and his bench banter or the refs who remind us that really need to keep our day jobs that keep us coming back for more. I don't know about the rest of you, but I for one and having a great time battling tough economic times with some good ol' fashion hockey to split the time.

"We could have lost tonight," said John Kenyon. "But we didn't and watching my family enjoy this sport as I play is really gratifying."

The Big Pucks could have won tonight. If you ask them, they'll say they should have. But that's what makes Friday's so gratifying, it can go either way.

My hats off to Martin Spanhel and Doug MacLean and the Blue Jackets, despite their losing ways of late (10+ years, really?) It makes me wonder what the secret ingredient of winning is. Maybe it's just a collection of guys who realize they're having a blast playing a game they love.

Win or lose.

Congratulations to Nick Elswick, Chris Carpenter and the rest of the Hawks who stared in the face of perhaps a better fighter and somehow found a way to win.

"This was fun," said Tom Morgan. "Just as fun as the other five. Just as gratifying. It's beer league hockey and it's fun as hell to compete from week to week."

Merry Christmas, Hawks. And Merry Christmas to the rest of the league. I for one am thankful to not play against a bunch of NHL wannabee's who think being a knucklehead and taking cheap shots is the way to go. Guys like Mark Waterstreet and Eric Ott are fun to play against. Doesn't matter if you win or lose -- playing hockey in Central Ohio has never been more fun.

Right? Cue the Michael McDonald music.

--

THREE STARS
Arrowhawks 2, Big Pucks 1

Third Star
#44 Daniel Rott, Big Pucks
Potted the first goal of the night, past Hawk netminder Jason Jensen to open the scoring.

Second Star
Nick Lanctot, D, Arrowhawks
Dude is flat good and refuses to lose. Must be the Minnesota in him. He was stellar with the puck in the defensive zone, playing physical when it mattered and notching the deciding goal in the shootout. No confirmation whether he really thinks the Michael McDonald influence played a role, but his play during the session certainly did, especially in the championship game.

First Star
Jason Jensen, G, Arrowhawks
The Blue Jackets should trade for this kid. He and his bald as hell head were cool as the other side of the pillow once again. He took the Big Pucks best shot and shut Letizia, the Hawk killer, down when it mattered. He controlled rebounds and directed his defenseman, despite being shorthanded most the night. Well done, Jay. Merry Freakin' Christmas, brother,

Bill Miller trying to be the next Sammy Hagar

2011-12-19T17:24:00.001-08:00

"Sammy always looks like he's having a good time. Plus he has awesome hair," stated the former Hawk winger as he talked about his new commercial venture. "I'm not content with dominating the commercial sweeping industry in northwest Columbus. I'm getting into the booze biz, too." Billy was dressed conspicuously in a lime green tuxedo and surrounded by some comely lasses as he promoted his new "Soft-Spot Reposada" tequila. "Each bottle comes with a worm that I dig out of my own back yard. Well, I don't dig them out, my son does. If he wants me to keep paying for his skate sharpenings and friction tape, he 'll keep digging up those worms." Rumor has it that Billy is looking for some new advertising space. "I noticed that Jensen's mask is still just black. Think he'll let me paint it up with my reposada logo? There might be a bottle or two in it for Jay and Alana." Bill Miller folks, same as ever.

Santho Living His Dream: Hawks Wish Him Luck

2011-12-19T07:26:00.001-08:00

Jamie Santho (left) and Nick Elswick (right) will be opponents in Friday's championship game. Both players have played a significant role in their team's success this session. Elswick is considerably taller and much better looking, however. (at least according to his wife).

One time Hawk goaltender Jamie Santho has the chance to live his boyhood dream, and he's seizing that opportunity. "I've always been a classic rock fan" said a hyped-up Santho as he talked about his opportunity. "And now I'll get to make it happen."

Young Jamie has accepted a new role as a guitar tech/roadie/M&M sorter for the impending Fleetwood Mac tour that begins in Albequerque next Tuesday. "I'm psyched that I get to tune Lindsay Buckingham's 12-string. That dude really rocks on "Landslide". I've heard Stevie Nicks is a little grouchy if she doesn't get her fresh guacamole before the show, but I can mash a mean avocado. Plus, they're gonna let me play drums for the second half of the concert when Mick Fleetwood gets tired. I'm gonna grow a matching pony-tail and dress up like one of those hippy/wizard dudes. Everything is coming up Santho."

No word as to who is going to man the net for the Big Pucks as they face off with the Hawks next Friday, but Jamie will be tied up with the second show of the tour as Fleetwood Mac invades Galveston. "I think Christine McVie might have a thing for me. Just wait until I let show her my butterfly position." Good luck Jamie. Good luck.

Hawks hold off Whalers 2-1

2011-12-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

COLUMBUS, OH - The Arrowhawks survived their second round playoff tilt against the Whalers, prevailing 2-1 behind mind-blowing goaltending from Jason Jensen, a tenacious backcheck from their forwards and brilliant defensive play from their blueliners. They limited Whaler top scorer Daniel Smith to a goal.

Right wing Jason Torsok opened the scoring for the Hawks and fall session phenom Nick Elswick added the game winner. Photos of the game will be up soon. The Hawks will play the Big Pucks this Friday for the session championship. The Big Pucks defeated the Arrowhawks 3-2 in overtime shootout in game one this session, and most recently 2-1 behind Mike Litizia's super awesomeness. If the Hawks are going to repeat, they'll have to limit Litizia, neutralize the Ginger Wizard and hope Big Pucks netminder James Santho has something better to do next week.

Hawks Whalers part II

2011-12-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

The Three Amigos and the rest of the Arrowhawks will face the resurgent Whalers in round two of the playoffs Friday. The last meeting was a spirited affair, with the Whalers handing the Hawks a sound 5-2 defeat in the final game of the regular session. The Whalers bring a skilled offensive attack and stout defensive core to the ice again and the Hawks will need to play their A game to get a win.

"We got a good glimpse of what to expect," said captain Mark Monahan after practice Wednesday. "They move the puck as well as anyone in the league and we'll need to be on our toes all night if we're going to advance," he added.

"Their goaltending comes up big when they need it and their defenseman are sound positionally and physical in front of their net," added Tom Morgan. "We're going to have out work cut out for us on Friday, but we're up for it."

Hawks lose edge, fall to Panthers 5-2

2011-12-02T21:35:00.000-08:00

COLUMBUS, OH - Sometimes Santa gets kicked in the nuts. It may be inadvertent and accidental or in some cases calculated by a little elf who never was happy painting fairy wings and just had his fill. That was the Panthers tonight. They had had enough.

In this case the mad elf was Daniel Smith, notching a hat-trick on one of league's best goalies, Arrowhawk netminder Jason Jensen. Smith's play was the catalyst the Panthers needed to tic-tac-toe their way to a stellar 5-2 thrashing of an undermanned Arrowhawk squad.

"We didn't have an answer tonight," said disappointed captain Mark Monahan after the game. "They beat us in the corner, in the neutral zone, around the net and on the scoreboard. We didn't have our normal flow and were off the entire game. Give them credit, they played well."

The Hawks hadn't seen Smith on the ice prior to tonight's contest. It was evident early he had the potential to skate coast-to-coast and as the game wore on, he did just that. He scored high glove, backside around the net and again over Jensen's blocker-side shoulder. Defenseman Mac Lawless and Nick Lanctot, usually money against the league's top scorers like Mark Waterstreet and James Chronic were stymied following Smith and normal Panther sniper Travis Mathis, who was equally effective in the game.

"Their offense ran through them," said Lawless, who was tossed late in the third period for checking, then reacting negatively to the Panthers bench. "I wanted to hit the showers early anyways because I was trying out a new 2 and 1 shampoo and I figured the guys would give me crap." added the really tall, monkey-armed defenseman. Lawless' absence on the blueline was felt by the other blueliners, as they crawed to the bench for shift changes late in the game.

"Six minute shifts are normal in beer league right?" said Lanctot after the game. Mike Gauthier and Terry Walker were solid in front but the Panthers skill with the puck was overpowering even for the Hawks tonight.

"The playoffs are a whole-nother animal," said LW Tom Morgan, a leading point man in the league. "Now that we've seen their best, we'll be ready if we see them again." he added.

"They'll have to get past the Eskimos first and we'll have to defeat a solid CS Bank squad. Something tells me this story isn't yet finished, despite their new ringer," said new Arrowhawk GM John Ryder. "We have an answer somewhere in our organization." he added via text message.

It's playoff time. And anything can happen in the playoffs.

"Bring on the angry elf," said Arrowhawk swingman Barry Snow. "And we'll bring the big, angry snowman."

GM Reaction
New Arrowhawk GM John Ryder chimed in after the Hawks second loss of the season.

"I've been busy working behind the scenes looking at trades, who to call up and who to send down. Judging by tonight's performance I need to scrap everything and start anew." he texted.

No word on immediate roster action, but word on the street indicated a BVC and Griffith may be in play. Stay tuned, Hawk fans.

Pucks ground Hawks: Letizia shines

2011-11-23T13:19:00.001-08:00

COLUMBUS, OH - The CAHL's top two teams battled their way through 36 minutes of action Friday, with the second place Big Pucks notching a critical 2-1 victory over the first place Arrowhawks. It was the first regulation loss for the Hawks in 15 games, dating back to last session. The Pucks came from behind earlier in the session to defeat the Hawks in an overtime shootout behind Mike Letizia's three goal performance.

It was apparent early this was going to be a back and forth affair. The Arrowhawks led the league in scoring (50) and goal differential (+24) entering the contest but the Big Pucks iced the league's best defensive tandem with Mike Letizia and Tommy Parker III. Scoring was going to tough to come by for both teams as each squad had a stellar netminder manning the pipes.

The game was scoreless through two periods. Pucks forward Bryan 'Ginger Wizard' Wharton did his usual thing, carrying the puck and setting up scoring chances with brilliant passes. Arrowhawks second line of Monahan, Morgan and Griffith -- filling in for usual linemate Jason Torsok -- also had opportunities early, but were turned away by Pucks goalie Jamie 'Freakin' Santho and his cool goalie mask.

"Santho was good early," said first line winger Oleg 'Epic Win' Chetverikov. "We cycled low and worked the walls to get space, but their defense is solid and when we had chances Santho stoned us."

Not even Rick Titus and all his incredible offensive skill could crack the cool goaltender.

"Titus scored early last time we faced the Hawks," said Santho after the contest. "I wasn't used to the speed of his shot last game. It's something I haven't seen since mini mite hockey, the slow deceptive pace and rolling puck action, but I made adjustments this week in practice by having my 6 year-old nephew shoot on me."

"I had a great chance on the first shift just like last game, but Freakin' Santho was like a giant stone wall and easily fought it off," admitted Titus, the portly bald winger.

The Arrowhawks were missing three of their regular skaters, Mac Lawless, Nick Lanctot and Jason Torsok. Filling in for the Hawks were Nate Mensel, Bryce "I'm #36" Griffith and G. Ted Bulwinkle. Each skated well for the Hawks, displaying poise with the puck and nice passing through the neutral zone and in transition.

The Hawks found themselves in trouble late in the first period after back to back penalties gave the Big Pucks a man advantage. But the Hawks defense tightened into a semi box, sometime triangle, occasional umbrella and killed both penalties. Arrowhawk goalie Jason Jensen was brilliant once again, thwarting 8 shots including a brilliant glove save on Wharton.

"We knew if we were going to win tonight we'd have to match the Pucks speed," said Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan. "The penalties were our undoing early and we payed for it later in the game" added the disappointed playmaker.

The Pucks had a two man advantage late in the second period but couldn't capitalize. "Jensen is one of the best goalie's in the league and he proved why tonight," said Mike Letizia, the Pucks brilliantly skilled offensive defenseman. It was clear both teams were going to need to dig extra deep for a win.

And that's just what the Pucks did in the third.

"I really think it came down to their defenseman just taking over the game," said Hawk winger Tom Morgan. "They isolated our defense on the rush and were determined to drive the net on Jay."

The first goal of the night came at 10:33 in the third when Bryan Wharton carried the puck and releasing one his lightning wristers from inside the face-off dot, just over Jensen's glove. The Hawks forwards were late on the backcheck and defeneman Mike Gauthier was stuck in transition.

Nearly two minutes later the game was tied again when Tom Morgan potted a goal just past Santho's outstretched right leg. Mark Monahan assisted on the goal with a brilliant pass through the crease.

"Santho got a piece of it but it trickled in," said Morgan.

The goal must have pissed off the Pucks defense and specifically Arrowhawk killer Mike 'Laser' Letizia. Already single-handily responsible for one Hawk loss, Letizia didn't waste any time in notching his second game winner against the Hawks. On the very next shift, Letizia skated coast to coast, past the Hawks defense at the circle and in on Jensen, at top speed. In a split second he rifled a wrister that was stopped by Jensen but quickly found the puck while closing fast, leaping to avoid a collision and burying the rebound. The goal was ESPN worthy and it was a dandy. Letizia crashed to the ice and his momentum carried him hard into the boards. Play was stopped momentarily while he collected himself, giving the Hawks the chance to plan for the equalizer.

But it never came. Jamie Santho and the Pucks stood tall for the final nine minutes, including a penalty kill at the six minute mark. Letizia's brilliant game winner held up and the Pucks moved to within a point of the Hawks in the standings.

"They knew exactly how to defend us," said a fatigued Jason Jensen after the game. "It was a great game of hockey between two very evenly matched teams. Something tells me we'll see them again in the playoffs. I'll bet it'll be another instant classic."

Miller out, Ryder in as GM

2011-11-15T18:39:00.000-08:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Arrowhawks shocked fans tonight with a surprise front office move, firing GM Bill 'Softspot' Miller and hiring one-time Hawk John Ryder as the new general manager and president of hockey operations. Rumblings of a potential move began early last week when Miller was found sleeping in his truck listening to a best of Anne Murray CD with a box of tissues.

"I have no comment at this time," said Miller via text message. "I rest on my excellence of developing a championship roster and I still have the best mustache this organization has ever seen." added Miller.

Ryder, a brilliant hockey mind and Colorado native offered a brief statement through Arrowhawk top PR official Alana Jensen.

"We've got a simple goal, win it all. I'll do my best to continue what Miller has built, a top-notch organization capable of winning night in, night out. I carry a big axe and I'll swing it if I have to," said Ryder. "I'm not afraid to fly to Columbus, rent a car and drive around looking for a rink that's close to a bar. One thing is certain... I'm not sure what it is yet, but it'll present itself eventually and when it does, I won't be sleeping at the wheel. Long live Hello Kitty."

Miller leaves the Hawks with a sterling 43-14 record and offered a final parting quote,"I'm going to shovel some snow."

Bring on the snow (not you, Barry).

Hawks throw snowman at Leafs

2011-11-15T18:33:00.000-08:00

COLUMBUS, OH - As predicted, Friday's game between the Arrowhawks and Maple Leafs was a high scoring affair. The Hawks defeated the Maples Leafs 8-4 behind stellar two way play.

"It was the way beer league games are supposed to be," said Hawk captain Mark Monahan, who notched a hat trick on the night. "Crisp passing, good up and down action and quality goaltending." he added.

Jason Jensen flashed a quick glove, stopping Leafs sniper Mark Waterstreet from point blank several times on the night.

For a full recap, click here.

Hawks remain undefeated through regulation, drop Bombers 4-0

2011-11-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

COLUMBUS, OH - The Hawks and Bombers took the ice tonight determined to convince North America that Columbus is a hockey town, despite the Blue Jackets troubles. Yes, Detroit is hockey town. It's also true that Minnesota is a hot bed of hockey talent and Wisconsin is the red-headed stepchild, at least according to Hawks defenseman Nick Lanctot. The Ukraine has developed skill of its own with the likes of Oleg 'Epic Win' Chetverikov, but so too has the good US of A. This here beat-writer remembers a time when there was limited hockey in town, with two sheets of ice and a normal reaction of, "you play WHAT?" That all changed when Doug MacLean infested the city with a sport that continues to thrive, regardless of more L's than W's.

You aren't here to read about that, however. You're here to read about the CAHL's finest division, the Friday night C2 league, home of talent like Mark Monahan, Tom Morgan, Jason Jensen, Bryan Wharton, Mark Waterstreet, James Chronic and the mercurial netminder Brandon Manzioni (did I spell that right?). The Chiller has evolved into a stellar blend of hockey passion and I for one am damn proud of our city's love for the game. I remember Scott Adamick running the show. Bob Ballageron (really butchered that name, I'm sure) and even ref Gary from the IceHaus pouring their heart and soul into developing the league into what it it today.

There are over 100 adult teams fighting it out on the ice each week. We should be thankful John McConnell had the wherewithal to stone up and bring us an NHL franchise, netting a district we can all be proud of. Even if guys like Mac Lawless and John 'One and Done' Ryder call it home.

Tonight's game was just another example of just how far this city had come. There was great sportsmanship on full display tonight, as the Hawks and Bombers traded blows for just another paltry Friday night beer league game. Before each team took the ice, they exchanged banter with the previous teams, the Big Pucks and their cool new sweaters and the Eskimos, who've struggled a bit but will be tough to play in the playoffs.

Game action was tight for the first 19 minutes as both the Bombers and Hawks wiggled their way into offensive groove. Both goalies stood tall, turning away scoring chances to keep their team in the game. The Hawks were determined to keep James Chronic off the score sheet early, keeping tight checking on him all night.

Second line left wing Tom Morgan opened the scoring at the five minute mark of the second with a brilliant goal scorer's goal from the left face off-dot. Morgan carried the puck, wheeled and rifled a wrister over the Bombers goalie's blocker side shoulder. He never saw the puck. Morgan added another brilliant invisible tally later in the third period through traffic and the route was on.

Kudos to the Bombers. They played a solid game, despite the final four goal differential. Netminder Brian Prescott made many quality saves from all over the ice. The back breaker came with just :15 seconds left in the second period when Nate Mensel broke into the zone with speed, potting a goal five-hole to give the Hawks a two goal advantage.

Hawks goaltender Jason Jensen made 24 saves and notched his first shutout of the session. Jensen had a long day of air travel but was poised in net, giving the Hawks defense confidence to join the rush.

Mac Lawless, Nick Lanctot and Mike Gauthier manned the blue line in excellent fashion, keeping the Bombers power forwards from premium scoring chances. Lanctot had several blue-line slap shots reminiscent of a speeding bus driven by Sandra Bullock.

Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan missed the game, attending a family function in Louisville. Oleg Chetverikov and Nate Mensel handled the center duties, cycling through three wing tandems.

All told, the Hawks and Bombers played a swift game of North South hockey in front of at least six sleepy fans.

"So what if the Jackets are stuggling," said Arrowhawk Barry Snow after the game. "As long as I don't have beer poured on my head, it's all good." he added. No word whether Snow returned home and poured a beer of his own to celebrate the Hawks eighth win of the session.

"Big game next week," said Tom Morgan. "We've got the Leafs and it looks like they've got their offense back on track. They'll give us all we can handle."

Week eight around the league

2011-10-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Arrowhawks 6, Rirruto 3
Friday's battle between two of the league's top four teams was a physical affair -- racking up 50 minutes of combined penalties. If the refs had flags, they'd have used them. Rirruto scored :12 seconds into the game on a deflection off defenseman Barry Snow's stick, causing him to cry uncontrollably. Snow made amends though, notching a blue-collar goal to tie the game at the three minute mark, evening the score.

The Hawks second line of Monahan, Morgan and Torsok were stellar on the night and determined to fight through Rirruto's stingy defense. Morgan scored on a sniper shot top shelf to give the Hawks the lead late in the opening frame. Rirruto defensman Burke Gruber evened the game at two in the second period. Through two periods the game was tight, with the Hawks leading 3-2.

That's when the floodgates opened.

Offensive lightning bolt Nick Elswick tucked a goal and John Kenyon, returning to the lineup after a lower body injury, notched another. With the score 5-2, Rirruto was clearly frustrated with the Hawks disciplined defensive and netminder, Jason Jensen who was stellar on the night. A skirmish behind Jensen led to 5 players being awarded 30 minutes of combined penalites, including two misconducts and a game for Rirruto's Michael Bohland. The Hawks cruised to a 6-3 win.

Big Pucks 3, Whalers 1
The Big Pucks continued their tear on the Friday league coming from behind with three 3rd period goals against the pesky Whalers. Michael Letizia had a goal and an assist as the Pucks rolled two lines all night. The Whalers opened the scoring on a power play goal from Ian Smith in the second period. Bryan 'Ginger Wizard' Wharton added an assist and was rumored to be singing Tool songs on the bench. Pucks netminder James 'Freakin' Santho is quietly asserting himself as one of the league's top netminders. For more, check out the Big Pucks awesome website.

Eskimos 5, Maple Leafs 1
The Eskimos scored a lot of goals and the Leafs didn't. That fact is uncharacteristic for the offensive minded Leafs. Mark Waterstreet and Teddy Martin have to be losing sleep at night trying to figure it all out. The Freakin Mo's look to be pulling it all together at the right time.

Bombers 2, Mamas and Papas 1
The Bombers defeated the Mamas 2-1. Where art thou Johnny Weir?

The evolution of the Arrowhawks

2011-10-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing to do with Hockey

2011-10-20T10:03:00.001-07:00

Mid-season report

2011-10-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

FAMILY ROOM COUCH, OH -- The Arrowhawks have been on a bit of a tear of late. They've survived another 4-point Friday, skating past the highly skilled Eskimos and Whalers in their double-header. They've survived the Blue Jacket opener, being down 13 skaters and rolling 8 en route to 10 goals against the Mamas and Papas.

Scoring has come from unexpected places like defenseman Mike Gauthier and new offensive threat Nick Elswick. Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan is now among the league leaders in points (13), tying prolific forward Mark Waterstreet of the Maple Leafs. Top line left wing Tom Morgan has regained his scoring touch. Even the subs are filling in. Bryce Griffith, fresh off his hunting assignment in the woods of Central Ohio, sniped his way to 5 points in last week's game. Goaltending is crazy good, with Jason Jensen manning the pipes, thwarting the best Friday night has to offer.

What does it all mean? It means the Hawks are flying high since their overtime loss to James 'Freakin' Santho and the BigPucks. They've lost Kevin Griffith for the season to injury. They've overcome John Kenyon's wimpy groin and Jason Torsok's Corona diet on Miami's finest beaches. Top defensive pair Nick Lanctot and Mac Lawless have yet to share the ice together. G. Ted Bulwinkle continues to patrol the blueline in their absence, and prized 1996 draft pick Rick Titus is just now coming into offensive form. In all, the Hawks are defending their summer title well. No word if Chris Carpenter still uses Hello Kitty checks to pay bills.

That, and $2.50 will get you a cup of Starbucks coffee. Freakin' Eskimos.

Shoot right, dress left

2011-09-23T21:56:00.001-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - Never mind the Hawks lost in overtime to the resurgent Big Pucks 4-3 tonight. The absolute most important factor to the Hawks was the continual development of their prized 1996 draft pick, Rick Titus. After 15 years, it appears the highly skilled hockey DNA has finally emerged. The Arrowhawks top line of Kevin Griffith, Oleg 'Epic Win' Chetverikov and Titus stifled the stingy Pucks defense from the drop of the puck. Titus wound up extending his rare point steak, potting a rebound just :23 seconds into the game, past the Pucks new goalie Jamie 'Freakin' Santho.

"It was a laser shot," said the humble Titus after the game. "I saw an opening, remembered what Bill Miller told me about the art of shooting and buried it." he said.

"I lost it, thought I had it and watched it trickle over the line," said Santho. "I haven't seen skill like that since mite hockey" added the now full-time goaltender for the Pucks. Santho would later be one of the key players in the Pucks victory.

As hockey games go, this was a great one. The Hawks rode a steady offensive attack through two periods, only to give way to three great individual efforts.

"Our defense played great tonight, but in the end it was the Pucks determination that sealed the deal," said Arrowhawk defenseman Mac Lawless, fresh off his rehab assignment with the West African Sand Fleas, the Hawks minor league affiliate. For the record, Lawless exhibited stellar poke checks and a savvy touch adding a goal in his session debut.

"I remembered how to put on my skates, so that was a great start," said Lawless. "If I could have played a bit better like my sons usually do I could have been the difference but in the end it wasn't meant to be." he added.

The Big Pucks gained the momentum late in the second period after Mike Letizia's goal made the score 3-2. Letizia wouldn't comment after the game, but the defenseman had a monster night.

"We knew going in that we had to shut down the Ginger Wizard," said LW Tom Morgan. "We stuck on him all night but sometimes things just don't turn out the way you hoped. Yes, Torsok had many chances but Santho shut us down and kept Mark and I off the score sheet."

Monahan assisted on the Hawks third goal scored by Lawless on the rush.

Arrowhawk goalie Jason Jensen was terrific on the night, turning away 26 shots and keeping the Hawks in the game, until Letizia evened the score at the 4:35 mark on a brilliant short handed effort in the final frame.

"Mike wanted the win," said a disappointed Jensen. "He just took over and that's that." he said.

The overtime period was back and forth, with both defenses answering the call. It would take a shootout to settle it.

The Hawks shot first with Morgan just missing on a five-hole attempt. "I thought I had Santho but he closed the gap," said Morgan in disgust.

The Pucks first two shooters were denied by Jensen. Wharton had Jensen dead to rights on a quick deek but lost the puck in the attempt. The Arrowhawks second shooter, captain Mark Monahan also thought he had Santho beat, only to have the puck carom high five hole once again.

It was all up to Letizia. He skated in and blasted a slap shot low glove past Jensen for the Pucks first win of the session.

Wharton would later translate Letizia's pre-game comment, "We won the championship last session because we played for the Hawks and we're the difference makers so we have to win, right?" Apparently so. Not even Rick Titus' awesome offensive skill could turn away the potent Big Pucks.

"Give them credit," said Titus. "It must be the orange sweaters. We don't like orange."

Keys to victory

2011-09-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Arrowhawks and Big Pucks are about three hours away from the drop of the puck. A quick look at the standings indicates a decided edge in goal scoring to the Hawks, but the players don't see it that way.

"As long as the Ginger Wizard, Parker and Letezia are out there they won't be taken lightly," said Tom Morgan after his afternoon yoga session. "They've struggled defensively but they ran into a buzzsaw last week with a motivate Mamas and Papas." he added.

"They are used to winning," said third line winger Chris Carpenter. "And they wear orange and for some reason we struggle with the primary colors. Except red. We usually can handle red teams. White teams are sometimes hard, too. Our color blind guys always struggle with the colors so we'll be wearing our black sweaters tonight."

5 keys to victory
1. Jensen needs to control the rebounds in front. Wharton is deadly in the slot and the Pucks work high to low in the offensive zone with the best of them.
2. Defense must avoid being distracted by all the hot women that come to the game hoping for backstage passes after the game. "I've been put in charge of manning the door so the ladies don't bother us before the game or after, when we are most vulnerable," said ladies man Barry Snow. "If I need to, I'll string Oleg's jock on the door. That'll keep them away."
3. Carp can't fall over the blueline more then 3 times. "Carp gets excited sometimes and forgets to send brainwaves to his feet to keep them moving," said captain Mark Monahan. "If he stays upright, we'll showcase his speed in the neutral zone."
4. Get Kevin going early. Griffith is a mainstay on the offensive score sheet. He'll man the second line tonight between Epic Win and leading assist man, Rick Titus. Titus has been on a tear of late, much of which is attributed to his off-season condition program involving P90X, Dance Dance Revolution and a new beer tap in his basement.
5. Mac Lawless factor. Mac's offensive skills have been the difference in games past. If he shows up on five beers or less, look out. If he's over his normal five beer limit, look out. "We never know which bench he'll go to," said Jason Torsok.

Finally, rugby rules I understand

2011-09-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

We're always looking to spread the love here on the Hawks blog. And what better way than by providing a breakdown of the rules of another great sport, rugby. Personally, I never understood the rules; but suddenly after seeing this well crafted turorial, I just feel into the game. Enjoy!

Hawks drill Leafs 7-1, sorta

2011-09-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

GAHANNA, OH - The Arrowhawks drubbed the Maple Leafs 7-1 Friday before a standing room crowd. The scoresheet indicates a dominating performance, but it was hardly that.

"They were missing most their usual guys," said Mark Monahan. "That team is normally a pain to play. They are very competitive and move the puck with the best of them. It was an off night for them." he added.

The Arrowhawks were missing many of their usual skaters as well, but they had enough key contributors to carry the offense. A very jet-lagged Andrew 'Firenutz' Applehans, fresh off his internship with the American Embassy in China, potted two goals for the Hawks. Apparently the economic cutbacks meant Applehans had to tool around Singapore on a self-propelled Schwinn, carrying his BlueJacket lunchbox over his shoulder the entire time.

"I had to wear a tie," said Applehans. "That was the worst part of it all. Forget the 12 hour flight and four connections. I hate wearing ties," he admitted. [editor note: Andrew wasn't really in China. He just plays hockey like the Chinese perform gymnastics. At least tonight, anyway.]

Speaking of domination, the Arrowhawk's captain was on a mission tonight. He centered the second line between Barry Snow and Rick Titus, notching his second game winner of the session. "It was easy playing with such great skill," said Monahan. "I usually have to carry the load with Morgan and Torsok, but I skated like a free bird tonight since I knew I was covered."

Barry Snow scored his first goal of the session in the third period. Offensive genius Rick Titus made an absolute brilliant breakout pass to spring the fleet-of-foot forward. Snow dangled with speed across the blueline, peeled like Tom Morgan just above the faceoff circle and snapped a laser just past the outstretched glove of the Maple Leaf netminder.

"Their goalie is really big," said Snow after the game. "I figured if I shot low, he'd have a hard time reaching so far." Turns out Snow was right. "But I owe it all to Titus. He's so damn good with the puck, it's like a sixth sense. I don't know how he does it."

"I've watched a lot of really good hockey players and absorbed how they succeed," said a really sweaty Titus from the locker room. "Tommy. Lanctot. Wharton. Kevin and his two brothers. Mac (hate that guy). And of course our captain, Mark. But mostly I owe it all to the refs because I don't think I had three assists tonight," said the bald fat guy.

For a full breakdown, click here.

The Maple Leafs lone goal came from guess who... Mark 'Johnny Red Pants' Waterstreet. Dude skated with the puck for at least a minuite in the Hawks offensive zone -- zigging left, zagging right, going behind the net, shooting once, twice, above the dot, then eventually after the Hawks five players all starting doing jumping jacks in front of Jason Jensen (Hawks really awesome goalie) in an effort to stop the skilled dangler, snapped a laser over Jensen's glove side shoulder and into the net. Instant evidence why he leads the league in points each session. [except last session when Kevin Griffith won the point title] [and this session when Rick Titus and all his awesomeness will capture the crown] [ok, for all you freakin' Eskimos out there, you realize Titus really sucks but likes to write a bunch of crap on this here site]. Was that a compound sentence? I hope no english teachers read this.

My wife is looking for Halloween costumes. Daughter is looking for actual feather wings to be a dead angel cheerleader (no shit) and wife just said, "The woman doesn't come with the wings, but it would be complete otherwise." Hmm... shouldn't an offensive threat like me get to open a cardboard box with a woman with wings popping out? Can we all be so lucky?

I digress. Somewhere in Jersey Tom Morgan is attending a wedding and trying not to think about the Arrowhawks and what he would have brought to the table tonight. And Mac Lawless (hate that guy) is in Miami as I type probably dancing to JLo. He can't dance, by the way.

Man this is a long post.

Freakin Eskimos won a brilliant game against the Whalers. And the Big Pucks lost to an angry Mamas and Papas team. What gives?

I'll close with Jensen is back and he's damn good. Ted filled in nicely and so did TRON and even Kenyon notched an assist tonight. Terry didn't look old out there and he didn't yell at me once so that's good. I'm running out of battery on my laptop, my beer is empty and my dog is snoring. Lanctot is a great skater but better financial genius. If you need money advice, call him.

I'm out.

Twenty-One Pilots

2011-09-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

Let's step off the hockey path for a moment. My 17 year-old nephew is in a band and had the recently had the opportunity to play with a band called Twenty-One Pilots. I've been told they put on a great show. Enjoy!

Nationwide Arena woes appear over

2011-09-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

Nationwide Arena is set to become a publicly owned venue, according to Columbus Business First's Jeff Bell, an Arrowhawk favorite business reporter. For the entire story, click here.

Week one recap

2011-09-10T20:29:00.001-07:00

Maple Leafs 8, Mamas and Papas 2
Someone forgot to tell Mark Waterstreet and the Maple Leafs that it's ok to not score so many goals. They showed once again why they are feared by the rest of the division, with a steady offensive attack. Perhaps the nicest guy in the league William Palmatary had a hat trick for the Leafs. The Mamas appeared to have no answer for the Leafs offense. Luckily, there are 11 games left to figure it out.

Watching the Notre Dame Michigan game and can't believe it. Wow, what a game. :08 seconds left and the maize and blue win the game. Three TDs in the final minute and twelve seconds. Holy smokes. Instant classic.

Eskimos 4, Big Pucks 2
The long awaited return of the Big Pucks was spoiled by the Freakin' Eskimos. Bryan Wharton and Tommy Parker did what they could, but the Mo's did what they normally do, playing sound defense and coming up big when the game is on the line. Jeff Martin nets a hat trick on the night. The Big Pucks will be ready for their next game, that's for sure.

Rirruto 2, CS Bank 1
Rirruto notched a third period goal to advance past a stingy CS Bank club. Looked like this was a defensive affair. Surprising, considering the skill Rirruto brings to the offensive side of the ice. Kudos to the CS Bankers. Holding Rirruto to 2 goals isn't easy.

Hawks down Bombers in opener

2011-09-10T20:01:00.001-07:00

COLUMBUS, OH -- The Arrowhawks opened the fall session where they left off in the summer, with a 3-1 win against the stingy Bombers. But it was with a new cast. The story wasn't as much of who was there, but who wasn't. There were a total of 12 full time and subs missing from the lineup. Rumors they were all attending a Lady Gaga concert in Detroit were not confirmed. Filling in for many of the regulars were Kyle Sharkey and Tim "TIMMY" Pennington.

The Hawks ultimately ended up with 2 lines, a full line fewer than the Bombers.

"It looked like they had a lot of skaters out there," said defensman Mike Gauthier. "I tried to count them all but I lost count at 36. I may have counted a couple twice. I never was good at math." said Gooch.

The opening period and a half was a tight affair. Both goalies were up to the task, making several good saves. First line left wing Tom Morgan opened the scoring with an even strength goal at the 5:28 mark in the second period. Tim Pennington and Mark Monahan assisted on the play.

The Arrowhawks had two power play opportunities in the first period, but the Bombers defenseman came up big on the penalty kill.

"They are a good team," said Monahan. "We're glad we got them early because they have enough skill to give teams fits later on." he added.

Monahan scored the eventual game winner, potting a rebound past the Bombers netminder. Kyle Sharkey jumped into the play from his defensive spot and Monahan was there to finish. The Bombers didn't go quietly. They sustained steady pressure in the third period, firing many shots at Arrowhawk goaltender Jason Jensen.

Jensen returned to the pipes after skating out during the summer session.

"Jason was in rare form again," said Terry Walker who was great defensively. "He had a quick glove and smothered rebounds like a fat fifth grade protecting his lunch."

Rick Titus scored the Hawks third goal, burying a rebound in close quarters. "I watched the Ginger Wizard do it in the summer, so I figured I'd crash the net like Torsok usually does. I guess I got lucky."

Jensen made 19 saves on the night, before giving up a late goal in the final minutes. "I was screened on the play but should have made the save. Oh well, we got the win," said Jensen.

Click here for a full game report.

Ginger Wizard returns to BigPucks

2011-09-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

Like most teams in the Chiller's rec league, the Hawks had some new faces during the summer. Past session favorites, Joe Factor and Nick Elswick did their usual thing -- providing a steady 2-way force, even though it required skating like a banshee and having to jump over Carp, who consistently fell over the blueline.

On loan from the BigPucks, Bryan 'Ginger Wizard' Wharton, Tommy Parker III and Mike Letezia each played a critical role in the Hawks winning their 5th championship. Like Kevin Costner's acting career, all good things must end. The highly skilled trio will be returning to the BigPucks and will once again be a formidable force in the Friday C2 division.

"It was a great run," said Arrowhawk left wing Tom Morgan. "They are a great group of guys and we wish them well. Outside of when they play us, that is." he added.

You can catch the BigPucks action on their blog. "If their blog is anything like their play on the ice, it'll be sharp and tough to compete with," said Hawk webmaster Rick Titus. "Love it so far!"

For those Browns fans out there...

2011-08-31T13:06:00.000-07:00

Gotta love Peyton Hillis.

Mind-games don't effect Gooch

2011-08-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

The Maple Leafs are a prolific offensive club. They led the league with 44 goals during the regular session. They aren't bad in the defensive category either, so the Hawks 4-1 victory was a bit of a surprise -- especially considering the Leafs ploy to throw the Hawks off their game by wearing mismatched socks, something that really bothers Arrowhawk defenseman Mike Gauthier.

Gauthier is vacationing in Aruba with his championship hat, but had the following response when asked about the Leafs head-games. "He knows that it pisses me off and since he can't beat my mad defensive skills on the ice he is trying to mess with my head. Little did he know this grasshopper has been strengthening the mind with mismatch sock and shoe drills at home."

Future opponents should take notice of the Arrowhawks commitment to psychological warfare and Gauthier's ability to suddenly be unaffected by mismatched socks.

"It no longer has an effect," texted Gooch.

Defenseman split $6K bar tab

2011-08-22T14:14:00.001-07:00

The Arrowhawks celebration reportedly totaled over $6,000, with defensemen Nick Lanctot and Mike Gauthier picking up the tab. "Outside of a couple unique purchases, there isn't anything out of the ordinary," said Gauthier via text message.

See for yourself.

Arrowhawks session champs, drop Leafs 4-1

2011-08-21T14:05:00.001-07:00

The Hawks defeated the Maple Leafs 4-1 in the summer session championship game Friday night. The defense for the Hawks provided all the offense, with Mike Letezia and Nick Lanctot scoring 2 goals each. Although the score isn't indicative, the game was close for most of the game. Intensity was high as both teams wanted their hands on that fashionable CAHL ballcap.

See all the photos by clicking here.

Freakin Eskimos!

Hawks -vs- Leafs, part III

2011-08-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

The Arrowhawks have to get by the highly skilled Maple Leafs if they intend on hoisting the championship tee-shirt. The Arrowhawks won both of the regular session games, but each game could have gone either way. The Leafs will have all their skill players on the ice. It should be a great game. You can follow the action from home by clicking here, then clicking on the icon next to the playoff game.

Hawks come from behind, win 5-4

2011-08-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

Details to come later, but wow what a game. This one had it all. 5 on 3 chances, penalties galore, 5 different Hawk goal scorers, game winner with :06 seconds left in the game, mad crazy fans with cowbells. We'll let the photos tell the story for now.

Hawks, Whalers part II

2011-08-12T10:35:00.001-07:00

Whaler goaltender Brandon Manzione (8-2-1) has an impressive 2.4 GAA this session. He hopes it'll standup against the Hawks tonight.

COLUMBUS, OH -- Tonight's playoff matchup between the Arrowhawks and the Whalers should be a um, ... Whale of a game (sorry, couldn't resist). The two powerhouse teams met only one time this session, a 2-1 Whaler win on June 24, but the game was in doubt to the very end.

Arrowhawks dynamic duo Kevin Griffith and Bryan Wharton opened the scoring at the 6 minute mark in the first period, but the lead didn't last long. Within a minute Travis Mathis potted the equalizer past a stunned James 'Freakin' Santho. The Whalers scored again in third period (Hoye) and held on for the win.

There was plenty of controversy in the closing seconds when it appeared an Arrowhawk shot planted the puck past Whaler netminder Brandon Manzione, only to be waved off. The goal would have tied the game. The Arrowhawks outshot the Whalers in the game but couldn't finish.

Too Offensive?
Travis Mathis (10-4-14) is the top point man for the Whalers. For the Hawks to win, they'll need to neutralize his speed and disrupt his stellar puck-carrying ability. It probably wouldn't hurt to deliver a large pizza and a case of beer (Guinness) to the Whalers locker room before the game. Center Chistopher Hoye (5-7-12) is another top-line performer capable of burying the biscuit. Defensively the Whalers are led by #7 Ian Smith (5-6-11), a native of one of the coldest places in Canada, the Yukon peninsula.

"I learned to skate on the frozen lake my house was built on," said Smith. "The ice was slow and that's why I'm so fast here in Ohio. Plus, there aren't any polar bears to chase me, so I can focus on my stride."

The Hawks will need to make sure Smith isn't able to wind up from the blue line, as he's got a blast from the point.

"I used my heavy shot to kill penguins for dinner. Carryout took forever!" he added.

Keeping it clean
Outside of one player, #9 Brian Oricoli, not a single Whaler is in double digits in penalty minutes. Ironically, all 12 of Brian's penalty minutes came against the Arrowhawks in their only game of the session. Apparently there was a tripping call, followed by some extracurricular after the whistle. It may have had something to do with an awkward collision along the boards between one of the Whalers players and an Arrowhawk forward. The collision broke the Whaler's wrist, something the Hawk forward certainly didn't intend. He apologized after the game.

Oleg's message to Whalers

2011-08-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

Arrowhawk top winger and the CAHL's favorite Ukrainian Oleg 'Epic Win" Chetverikov will miss tonight's playoff game against the top seeded Whalers. But he passed along the following video message from his private jet, currently headed to western New York for a homemade calzone.

"I like the calzone very much," said Chetverikov via text.

Chat with Mo's captain Eric Ott

2011-08-11T11:51:00.001-07:00

I had a quick email exchange with Freakin' Eskimos captain Eric Ott the other day. Transcript is below:

Me: Eric! Dude, I need to fire off some questions to you for our stellar breaking news blog. After all, the defending champs are heading into the playoffs on a tough loss. Are you worried? Who do you guys fear the most? Is it true the Eskimos don’t like beer?

Ott: We aren't really worried. This league is just about making the playoffs. Seeds don't really matter as everyone knows the 4-5 teams that you have to go through to win it all. Each one of those teams presents a different kind of matchup, so we just have to be ready for that. Thankfully we have superior coaching and leadership.

As far as fear, Eskimos have no fear. Have you seen where we live? It is a house made of ice. We fish in a hole in ice. We fight off polar bears and sea lions on a regular basis. Ice is our home so playing hockey is just natural for us.

Do the Eskimos like beer??? Does crap stick to a polar bear's fur? What sort of hockey players would we be if we didn't like beer? We drink Bud, Molson, Root, Coors, and so on just like everyone else.

Four teams, one tee

2011-08-11T11:42:00.001-07:00

The Arrowhawks, Maple Leafs, Whalers and Eskimos are the four remaining teams vying for the summer session title. The Freakin' Mo's are the defending champs and currently hold the tee shirt. Make no mistake, it's one nice tee-shirt.

"My shirt from 2006 is starting to get a little ragged," said Arrowhawk defenseman Chris Carpenter. "I'd really like to get my hands on another one. I tried to lift one out of the Eskimos locker room the other day but I think one of their guys wore it in the game as it was pretty drenched. I had just gotten out of the shower so I didn't take the risk. We'll just have to go the legit route and win two more games." he added.

"Martin is from the Check republic, right?" asked defenseman Mike Gauthier. "I'm sure they'll bring that Euro flair to one of these championship tees and I don't want to miss out on that."

Efforts to reach the league office were rebuffed by strong wind, an empty gas tank and the sudden urge for an empty bladder.

"I've seen Tom Morgan's championship tee from 2005 and it's not a pretty sight," said linemate and Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan. "It appears he's used it to wax his car or clean a wood table. It smells like lemon pledge."

Morgan was incensed at the notion when told after Thursday's morning skate. "I'd never do that to my championship shirt," he snipped as he turned toward the locker room door.

Hawks sprint to opening round win

2011-08-05T20:00:00.001-07:00

DUBLIN, OH - The Arrowhawks scored three times in the first period and held on to defeat the skilled Bombers 3-1 Friday before at least a dozen fans. The defense played excellent in front of goaltender James Santho. It took a late power play goal with :10 seconds left to get the Bombers on the board. Tom Morgan was called for tripping and the Bombers pulled their goalie to get the goal. All three lines contributed to the Hawks win, according to those in attendance. The official Arrowhawk blog staff was busy trying to put together a new tent and couldn't be in attendance.

"I don't need instructions," said the Hawks beat reporter from the hills of Eastern Ohio as his wife stood by laughing. "Hey kids! Put together my tent by the light of the moon. I'll give you a merit badge!" said utility player Rick Titus from his Coleman chair.

Bryan Wharton, Barry Snow and Kevin Griffith were the goal scorers tonight. Assists came from Mike Gauthier, TRON, Griffith and defenseman Mac Lawless.

Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan was a late scratch.

"Apparently he got distracted with a better offer and nearly burned down his house," said Morgan. "We're just glad his mouthpiece wasn't responsible for an expensive insurance claim and he and his family were ok," he added. Reportedly the skilled two-way center was trying to cure a new mouthpiece and fell asleep watching international stock market action on the internet.

"I couldn't decide if I should buy or sell," said the relieved Monahan after saving the day by squirting the blaze with three cases of PBR. "It's a shame I had to waste all that beer but it's what I had close." he admitted.

After the win, I'd buy Arrowhawk playoff stock for sure.

Lanctot and Factor scratched.
Minnesota Nick Lanctot missed the night's game. So did Joe Factor. The two core players were missed, but the rest of the guys apparently picked them up, skating their way to an impressive win. Lanctot was preparing for a triathlon and Factor was playing lead guitar in a weekend-long XBox Guitar Band marathon. No word if Factor is really any good.

Time to kick some @$$...

2011-08-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

Offseason moves expected

2011-08-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

As the Arrowhawks prepare for tomorrow's playoff game against Tommy Parker III and the Bombers, team GM Billy 'Softspot' Miller has been busy trying to bolster the fall lineup.

"Many coals are in the fire," said Miller from his Tuvalu summer home. “We’re always looking for ways to improve the club. We’ve got some calls out there but you never know what mutual interest will be present. Fans should know, we intend on being champions. And that’s how we approach the off-season.”

GRIFFITH SIGNED
The Arrowhawks officially announced they’ve signed leading point-man Kevin Big Balls Griffith to the fall session. “Hey, my balls aren’t big,” quipped the skilled forward. "Where'd that come from? I'm going to file a complaint and do some damage in the locker room next time I see the guys."

Additional roster moves are likely, big balls or not.

Playoff snapshot

2011-08-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

Four of the six playoff teams will be in action Friday. The two top seeds, Whalers (1) and Eskimos (2) will be home holding down their couches, sweating in anticipation of their following Friday opponent. With that, let's break down Friday's 2 playoff games.

Maple Leafs #3 (7-5) -vs- Rirruto #6 (7-5)
Rirruto is coming off a three game win streak to close the session, including an impressive 5-3 win over the defending champ Freakin' Eskimos and their yellow sweaters. They've scored 13 goals and have only given up 5 during that span. The closest game was against the amazingly fantastic Arrowhawks and their super cool red sweaters (and goofy socks).

The only downside? Rirruto has been outscored 12-3 and has lost both contests against the Leafs this session. The games were not close.

Prediction? Rirruto fight hard but come up a goal short. Leafs center Johnny Red-Pants Mark Waterstreet leads the Leafs to a 4-3 win.

Bombers #4 (7-5) -vs - Arrowhawks #5 (7-5)
This will be a tight one. Both regular session games were decided by a goal, more or less (technically the Bombers defeated the Hawks 4-2 in their last game but got a late empty netter to ice the game).

"A goal is a goal, " said Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan. "I can't believe we lost the tie-breaker to them based on that empty netter."

Finishing below the Bombers in the seeding means the Bombers are the home team and they'll wear their crimson sweaters. The Hawks will wear their vintage black sweaters.

"Who cares," said defenseman Mike Gauthier. "As long as my socks match, we're good. We've won 4 championships in black."

Statistically the teams are tight. They are within a point of each other in goal differential, goals scored and goals allowed. The top two point men in the league are Kevin Griffith (Hawks) and James Chomic (Bombers), both capable of taking the game over.

The difference will likely be between the pipes. Arrowhawks netminder James Santho has a 1.2 advantage in goals against. If the Hawks have their regular defenseman, they should be able to contain Chomic and Co.

Prediction? Hawks 3 Bombers 2. Excellent goaltending by both clubs but Mike Gauthier's blast from the point is the difference.

"Did you say blast or gas?" asked a confused Mac Lawless. "Must have been the latter..." he snipped.

---

If that stellar breakdown of upcoming hockey action wasn't entirely satisfying (like watching Gooch trying to break-up a 2-1 odd man rush), maybe this'll fit the bill: Good Blue Jacket read on top prospect Ryan Johansen.

More photos...

2011-07-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

Arrowhawks drop depleted Leafs 4-3

2011-07-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

DUBLIN, OH - If you've ever won a $5 lottery ticket on the first scratch or stumbled upon a $20 bill on the sidewalk you know what it's like to be lucky. If you've played hockey for 10+ years against teams like the Clown Punchers (best name ever) or More Cowbell (ok, maybe they have the best name ever) and scratched and clawed your way to the top, you appreciate games like tonight's, a 4-3 nail-biter Arrowhawk victory -- tiny bit of luck but mostly hard work.

Arrowhawk goaltender James Santho was brilliant in the win. So was the Hawks top line of league leading point man #25 Kevin Griffith, top goal scorer #27 Bryan 'Ginger Wizard' Wharton and journeyman #11 Rick Titus who were a combined plus-8 on the night. (is that possible? do we add up the points or is an aggregate? I need to go to hockey stat school or something. Is it correct AP style to have parenthesis like this?)

"The Leafs are always tough," said a satisfied Tom Morgan after the game. "They were missing some of their key guys but we've all been there and we took care of business tonight. Santho was stout as usual and our D was fantastic."

Mac Lawless returned to the lineup tonight and was brilliant in both zones. The somewhat tall defenseman has been absent with a long battle trying to set a Guinness Book of World Records for frequent flyer miles.

"I flew 17,368 miles in 4 weeks," said the jet-lagged Lawless. "I'm trying to get enough points to buy this desktop jukebox with a rotating Pamela Anderson on top. Comes loaded with ABBA tunes. It will be awesome." he added with a grin.

Lawless was the games first star, scoring 2 goals.

"Mac's first goal was a thing of beauty," said Kevin Griffith. "He turned the Leaf d-man inside out and deked the Leafs goalie out of his jock. If our league had a TV package it would have been on ESPN as a top play, guaranteed. Martin, we'd like TV coverage, please." he added.

"The game was in doubt at that point. Mac's goal (I hate that guy) was much needed. It was great to see his long striding butt out there again (even though I hate that guy)," said Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan. Monahan, Morgan and Jensen were solid and created many chances against the Leafs. The second line tilted the game in the Hawks favor when it was needed most, with 1:40 to play and down a man.

"Our D was fantastic tonight," said Barry Snow, who centered the third line. "Mike has a cannon from the point, Gooch is deceptively fast and TRON carried the puck with passion. That doesn't sound gay, does it?"

Having lost 4 of their last 5 games tonight's victory was a much needed W for the Hawks.

"Now let's see how Martin makes sense of this 4-way tie mess," said Morgan. "Playoffs are going to be interesting..."

Yes, indeed. Bring on the next frames.

#29 Mark Waterstreet did what he could in the game, adding an even-strength goal late in the 2nd period to cut the score to 3-2 Hawks, but the Leafs couldn't overcome penalties. #54 Rowdy "Wolfman" Abels was called for 3 minor penalties and was tossed from the game.

Streak ends: Rirruto thaws Moe's 5-3

2011-07-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

DUBLIN, OH - All good things must end. The defending champion Eskimos entered tonight's contest against Rirruto with a 6 game win streak. Read the first sentence again.

#19 Michael Bohland proved to be too much for the Freakin' Moe's to handle. He notched 2 even strength goals in a 5-3 win in the final game of the regular session for both clubs.

The victory moved Rirruto to a four way tie for 3rd place with the Maple Leafs, Arrowhawks and Bombers and will certainly give league commissioner Martin Spanhel a headache trying to sort the seeding out for the playoffs.

Stay tuned to the Chiller's website to see who faces who next week. One thing is certain, it's anyone's championship to win.

Leafs, CS Bank a tough contest

2011-07-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

I heard rumblings that last week's game between the Leafs and CS Bank got a little heated. Judging by the stat sheet, I'd say so. Poor Dan and Gary, the normal Friday night refs. They had their hands full from the looks of it.

What's the running clock rule, 12 minutes? If that's the case, the game went to a running clock with 1:38 left in the FIRST PERIOD!
And get this, they were all on the Maple Leafs. Surprised?

"I couldnt skate down the ice without getting attacked in the first," said Emily Moersdorf, "annoying but it drew five penalties!"

The Bankers were able to pot 2 even strength goals in the first period but couldn't hold on for a win. The Leafs rallied to a 4-3, OT shootout win.

Don't blame the refs for playing favorites. The final tally was an even 50/50 split, with each club getting 7 penalties on the night. If interviewed, I'm sure the refs would say something to the effect of, "It's REC LEAGUE. CHILL OUT ALREADY!"

Big Pucks to return in fall

2011-07-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

BREAKING NEWS: According to current Arrowhawk Bryan Wharton who co-founded the Big Pucks, The Big Pucks will return to the fall session.

"Does that mean Bryan can't skate with us?" asked a confused but hopeful John 'Grand' Kenyon as he chewed on a tooth pick.

"As I'm sure you guys understand, Tommy (Parker) and I started this Big pucks team, and we are proud of what we pulled together," said the Hawks leading goal scorer during the summer. "The Big Pucks will be back next session and I will be joining them once again. Not an easy decision."

Apparently all the stupid jokes and locker room discussions about Brittany Spears looking fat didn't even sway the talented red-head. "It has been a pleasure playing with the Arrowhawks. I appreciate the roster spot very very much. I'll miss you guys but look forward to playing against you all again as it was always a blast."

"That's why I went out and signed the kid in the off-season," said assistant GM Tom Morgan, fresh off his 2 week gun-run and tequila vacation in Mexico. "He's a good dude."

Wharten continued, "I can't thank you all enough for letting me into your locker room and be able to wear that kick ass arrowhawk sweater. With that being said... WE still have WORK to do this session gents... this isn't over untill we hoist the Tshirt..."

Amen, brother!

We 'like' Flying Horse Farms

2011-07-27T08:51:00.001-07:00

Arrowhawk defenseman Nick Lanctot recently sent me a in-mail through facebook requesting I like Flying Horse Farms. I told the swift-skating blueliner I couldn't do it because I have liked the camp for a little over a year now. It made me realize just how important it is to spread the word when there are difference-making programs like this one. If you haven't heard of it, Flying Horse Farms provides magical, transforming experiences for children with serious illnesses. Located on 200 acres in Mt. Gilead, Ohio, they host more than 2,500 children each year - free of charge.

I implore you to check them out and if you are a member of facebook, like them.

5 Questions with Jon Ryder

2011-07-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

We're continuing our 5-questions series with Colorado native John Ryder, a one time sub for the Arrowhawks and rumored friend of Arrowhawk defenseman Mac Lawless. The Q&A is unique, since Ryder only played one game with the Hawks. With that, enjoy...

Q: You got to play a single game with the amazing Arrowhawks, the pride of Central Ohio’s adult hockey leagues. What was the experience like?

A: Even six months later I still believe my one game with the Arrowhawks was the single greatest experience in my athletic career. It is never easy being the “new” guy on a team with such a history of excellence, but from the moment I walked into the locker room I felt as if I was part of something special, albeit a small part. It cannot be stressed enough the professionalism of each and every player and how they go about their business. If I had to sum up my experience in one word, it would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocios.

During the game, did you ever catch yourself saying, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually here playing with the likes of Chris Carpenter and Barry Snow”?

A: Honestly, the speed of the game was so much quicker, I could have been skating with the 1984 Edmonton Oilers. Was I playing with Chris Carpenter and Barry Snow, or Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier? For all I know they could be one and the same, I felt like a traffic cone out there.

On a 1-10 scale, with 10 being off the charts, how would you rate the Arrowhawks ability to:

A: Not really a question but I will answer it anyway: 79

...breakout:

1: they all seem to have a good skin care program so breakouts weren’t a problem.

score goals:

6: I would give them a 10 but ...they where obviously encumbered with my presence on the ice.

...neutralize opponents skilled players:

10: Its pretty hard when you’re basically playing one man down on every third shift but the team showed great effort.

post-game pop consumption:

0: Now I might ...have been dizzy from over exertion but I don’t remember a single pop being consumed during my entire stay with the Arrowhawks or my host family. However, if the question was how many adult beverages where consumed then I would give the Arrowhawks a 10 with a special shout-out to #48 Mac Lawless.

...skate without falling down and looking stupid:

If I was on the ice 1, If I wasn’t on the ice 10.

...avoid intellectual conversations in the locker room:

5: I was shocked when I walked in and one half of the room was discussing string theory and its framework in particle physics, while the other half was contemplating who would wear what to the forthcoming Royal Wedding.

If star defenseman Mac Lawless were to have a movie made about his life, which actor would be best to fill the role?

A: This is a hard question to answer, I think to encompass everything that is #48 Mac Lawless multiple actors would be needed to truly express what he has meant to family, friends and the world. I would say that for his early years a young Neil Patrick Harris would be a perfect fit, boy genius is synonymous with #48 Mac Lawless so the kid who played Doogie Howser shouldn’t have a problem portraying #48. For on ice scenes I would probably cast Ned Dowd who played Ogie Olgethorpe in the move Slap Shot, #48 Mac Lawless likes to play a physical game that toes the line between what is legal and what is unequivocally not. Now for off ice adult scenes I could think of only one actor who could correctly portray #48 Mac Lawless, and that is Lindsay Lohan, because lets be honest they’re both train wrecks. Since #48 Mac Lawless is still in the prime of his career his later years are mostly speculative, however the actor that could best pull it off is Steve Buscemi. Having experience being thrown in a wood chipper, straddling a gatling gun on a meteor, and bowling with The Dude will provide Mr. Buscemi with the necessary background to pull off any of #48’s future life choices.

Do you expect to have your number retired by the Hawks?
A: When the day comes and I have to hang up the skates for good I would consider it an honor to have my jersey retired by the Arrowhawks. Now do I expect it, in one word.....YES!!!

One time sub Jon Ryder gazes over a large body of water located someplace other than Ohio.

Freakin' Mo's on a roll

2011-07-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

Those Freakin' Ekimos are on a roll. Seven games to be exact. Their last win, a 3-1 dismantling of the first place Whalers, kept them in contention to finish first in the division and definitely sent a message to the rest of the league.

The Mo's are led by forwards #17 Jeff Martin (8-7-15) and #5 Mathew Kobs (5-10-15), acquired in a trade from the KHL's Uzkasikstan Rebels CT hockey club for a case of Mad Dog and a box of duct-tape. "We may have overpaid," said captain Eric Ott. "But we're pleased with his offensive numbers. He's what we thought he was when we sent our scouts over," he added. [editor's note: no clue if Kobs is his real last name or if he's been assigned an alias by the ultra-clever accounting and counter-espionage Eskimo front office].

The Mo's end the session with the highly skilled Rurruto team, winners of their last 2 games. If they win and the Whalers lose, the Eskimos will win the conference and the number one seed for the playoffs.

And the winner is?

2011-07-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

Like parody? Then you'll love the Friday night league. With one game to play, 6 teams are capable of winning it all. "The league has gotten tough. Any team can win. This is fun," said Arrowhawk favorite Ukrainian Oleg 'Epic Win' Chetverikov. Click here for the Chiller's official standings.

Hawks slide continues, per Bombers

2011-07-25T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well, the once-promising Hawks' summer session has reached a tipping point. The squad dropped their fourth game in their last five to the suddenly dangerous Bombers and with the playoffs approaching,the team is looking for answers. Even after reverting to their black retro sweaters for the showdown, little is going right for the Hawks as they stumble toward the post season like Elvis toward a Memphis donut shop.

The Hawks had the better of the play as the game got rolling but both netminders took care of business in their ends. Late in the first, league leading scorer Kevin Griffith was assessed a (more than questionable) minor for interference. "I was skating toward the puck and their guy fell down. Why the hell is that a penalty?" asked the always cleanly shaven Kevin. On the ensuing power play, the Bombers managed an odd-man rush and finished cleanly to take a 1-0 lead. "That was a cheapy" sighed a despondent Jamie Santho after the game. "I thought my Leprechaun mask would intimidate them into shooting it wide, but I guess it didn't work." The Hawks would try to pick up their young goaltender as the game progressed, but things would soon get worse.

Midway through the second, Arrowhawks part-time defenseman Tommy Parker III started a sweet breakout up the middle. Tommy's pass hit the open man, who then passed it off to a winger who banged in the second goal of the game off the post and the goalie's back. Problem is that Tommy was playing for the Bombers on this particular Friday. So, instead of being tied, the Hawks were down 2-0. "What a load of BS" said a visibly offended John Kenyon. "Just because Tommy only had a red sweater doesn't mean he should play for the Bombers instead of us. He could have borrowed Mark's "too-small for Gooch" jersey and really made a difference out there for us tonight." As it was, Gooch was particularly aerodynamic in the black sweater he borrowed from the captain.

The Hawks fell behind 3-0 on a sweet individual effort by some dude from the Bombers. Breakout, to a 2 on 1, to a breakaway with a D-man draped all over him, dude finished with just his left hand as our defender tried to violate him. Didn't work and the Hawks couldn't catch up. Even with a 6 on 4 in the last 1:35, the Hawks couldn't pot one to tie it, and the Bombers topped off the night with an empty-netter as time expired. "There's a good chance we get them in the first round of the playoffs," said Assistant captain Tom Morgan who was on vacation at a New Mexico cactus farm. "They better be ready, because Kenyon is ready to bring the pain."

Summer Hawk Bryan Wharton, who loves to see his name on the blog, was seen having beers and wings with the Bombers at the Easton Champps after the game. "I like these dudes, even if they beat us. Plus it's Fried Food Friday and I'm going to order some Kobe Beef sliders. You want one?" This intrepid game reporter passed on that slider, and headed home to figure out what the Hawks need to do to get back on track.

Will Whalers win it all?

2011-07-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

Nobody saw this coming. With 2 games left to play in the regular season, the Whalers hold a 3 point lead in the ultra-competitive CAHL Friday night C2 division.

The Whalers. And their mighty goalie, Brandon Manzione and his stellar 2.3 GAA average. Somewhere in a New Mexico desert, Arrowhawk LW Tom Morgan can be heard screaming, "Screw you, Brandon!"

"The Whalers have put together a nice session so far," said the always diplomatic and overall good guy Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan. "They've got 2 tough games left but they are in control of their own destiny."

As expected, #22 Travis Mathis, C, leads the Whalers in goals and points this session. Dude is damn fast and good with the puck. He's been set up by a quality defense including #7 Ian Smith (4-5-9) and #5 John Bernot (0-5-5). Christopher Hoye has added 5-5-10 to round out a steady offensive unit.

Standing in the way of a first place finish is the defending champion Eskimos and the only team to defeat the Whalers in regulation this session, the Mamas and Papas, who harpooned the Whalers 5-2 in week 5.

After dropping three of their first four games, the Freakin' Mo's are winners of their last 6, notching 27 goals in the process. And they just dropped the Maple Leafs, avenging a 3-0 loss in week three. Needless to say, the freakin' Mo's are riding high. (anyone else wonder how the hell the freakin Mo's seem to always beat the crap out of the Leafs? The Leafs have great skill and always give us fits -- so do the modern era Mo's, but that's not the point -- the Leafs should be able to give it to the Mo's and yet, they can't.)

Question is, are the high enough to fire a shot into the Whalers and win the division? Step one is winning the game tonight.

Rirruto voted most dangerous

2011-07-20T08:12:00.001-07:00

It's official, Rirruto has been voted the most dangerous underdog heading into the playoffs. They received 50% of the votes, with the Bombers taking second with 33%.

The Arrowhawks found out first hand just how dangerous Rirruto can be last week, falling 2-1 in a back and forth affair. Michael Bohland, Rirruto's leading goal scorer, is tied for the league lead in goals with 9 on the session. A trio of others including Hawk center Bryan Wharton are a goal behind he and co-leader Todd Aeillo from CS Bank. Todd must be receiving many brilliant passes from our favorite CS Banker, Emily Moersdorf.

The Hawks will face the poll's second place most dangerous team, the Bombers this Friday.

Rirruto damage Hawks ego, win 2-1

2011-07-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

DUBLIN, OH - The Arrowhawks quest to end thier losing streak hit a very large speed bump tonight. The kind that breaks your front axel and makes everyone in the car simultaneously say, "that sounded expensive."

The bump came at the hands of the young and skilled Rhirruto with their skilled forwards and talented netminder determined to do damage in the division. The Hawks gave a C+ effort but couldn't overcome penalty after penalty, ultimately falling 2-1 to the improving club.

"We just couldn't finish," said 2nd line forward Barry Snow after the game. "We had plenty of chances but in the end they notched goals from their power play unit twice, despite Jason standing on his head."

Jason Jensen was back in net and played awesome, stopping 28 shots on the night.

"It is a shame we couldn't provide goals for Jay tonight, he was out of his mind with his glove and distributing rebounds." said Tom Morgan. "In the end, they battled hard for the puck and deserved the win."

"I wouldn't say that," added Chris Carpenter who played wing with Snow on the night. "It is hard to overcome being shorthanded against them, and we didn't get many calls tonight."

Give Rhirruto their due. An ongoing poll on this sight asks which team is most dangerous in the upcoming playoffs and after tonight, it would be tough to vote for qanother team.

"Those pesky fools really agitate their opponent," Said Rick Titus, back from IR. "They do the little things and scored some slop and got the job done. They took our top six out of it, including stopping Tommy 1 and Tommy 2, not and easy task. Our lines weren't able to generate enough offensive zone pressure all game." added the somewhat fat, offensively-challenged grinder.

"We will get this train on track," said Bryan Wharton, the Hawks lone goal scorer and leading scorer on the session. "You haven't heard the last of us just yet."

The Hawks will play the Bombers next and hope to get back into the win column.

Joe Factor was stout defensively as were the rest of the Hawks on the night. But the penalties had them behind the eight ball all night.

Double Ds stun Junior Bs

2011-07-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

The Junior B Arrowhawks fell to the Double D's Sunday, 3-2 in an overtime shootout. The D's got 2 third period goals to come from behind and tie the game. The D's are currently in third place in the D West division and sport an impressive +14 goal differential on the season. The fact that Neil 'Rocket' Richard, Dave 'I still love Michigan' Mustafaga and Dan 'Let's go to Work" Turk were able to shock the skilled D's with two second period goals is impressive, but moral victories "went out the window in the 60's" according to Bill Miller.

"We are an amazing bunch of skaters and have really improved since we've added some fresh skill," said longtime Hawk Jeff 'Auggie' Augenstein. "It's great to skate with Kevin DesRoches again."

"The only thing I can tell you is it was great exercise and I had fun up until my last 3 shifts where I went minus 3. I went to the game in a bad mood and came home in a worse mood," said Dave Mustafaga, still reeling from the loss. " I’d like to forget about it. Thanks for asking though. How are you?"

After winning three of their first four, this is the fourth consecutive loss for the Junior B Hawks.

An email from Mustafaga provided the following: "Kevin can’t score he has the C player upper tier stigma, Jeffy the albatross is the leading scorer. Ok let me explain that one, Turk broke his ankle in game 4-ish or something (big bummer), he is a huge part of our offense. It would have looked real bad if no one passed him on stats when he is out for the season. My goal came on a backhand shot almost from the goal line, not the greatest angle, but I just throw em at the net and hope something good happens. We are having fun. We had a sub goalie last night he really was good, we must made him look bad in the last few minutes. We lost that game in the last 2.5 minutes of the third period. Goaltending is a lot work, those guys are usually pretty sweaty, they deserve a lot more credit, especially on our team."

If you've ever donned the pillows in practice or a game, the position AINT EASY! "This sucks. It's hot and I can't move," I once said after my 11-year old daughter scored many goals on me on our backyard rink.

"Someone will bust this slump. We'll determine the best candidate internally," said Dan Turk.

For a full box score, click here.

Mo's ground Hawks 3-1

2011-07-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Freakin' Eskimos are at it again.

"Back to their winning ways," said Arrowhawk defenseman Mike Gauthier after last night's 3-1 loss to the Mo's. "We never really put it together tonight. Our lines were always messed up and Carp kept complaining he was hungry," he added. For the record, Carp sucked it up and finished the game without going to get Jensen's jar of peanut butter.

"You have to give them credit. They have some skill and play well as a team," said captain Mark Monahan. "That's one win for them and one win for us. The next one will be the one that counts the most."

The Arrowhawks got their lone goal from defenseman Tommy Parker III, filling in for one of the missing Arrowhawks. Defensive stalwart Nick Lanctot was not in the lineup. Neither was perennial sniper Tom 'I never met a bottle of rum I didn't like' Morgan. Lanctot was on a field assignment for the popular reality show Finding Bigfoot. Details are sketchy, but locals speculate the crew had cornered the shy hairy beast in a rural town in Minnesota and needed an experienced tracker.

"It hurts to miss the game, but something keeps eating my family's crops," said Lanctot via text message.

The win moves the 6-3 Eskimos into a three-way tie for second place with 12 points in the highly competitive division. The Arrowhawks and Maple Leafs trail the surprise Whalers, 7-1-1, with 15 points.

"There's plenty of hockey left," said RW John Kenyon. "We'll answer in the playoffs."

GRIFFITH POINTLESS
The Freakin' Mo's were able to accomplish another feat last night, holding Arrowhawks center and leading point man Kevin Griffith without a point. Eric Ott and the rest of the boys should be commended for doing something nobody else in the league has been able to do through 8 games.

"Trust me, Kevin is anything but pointless," Monahan worded strongly.

More random photos

2011-07-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

I had a minute so I thought I would post some photos of the amazing Joe Factor (dude is like 59 years old) and Barry Snow (not old, but confused over whether he's really a skater or a goalie). The other image is of a random Rizzuto dude.

Freakin' Eskimo week

2011-07-05T17:00:00.001-07:00

Rhizzuto defenseman wins best hair

2011-07-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

As if anyone cares, the best hair in the CAHL goes to Rhirruto's gnarly defenseman with the wicked Predator-inspired dreadlocks. Now that the award has been given, you may all resume your plot to take over the world. Unless you are Bill Miller. Sorry Bill, but I would have to move to Canada with Dave Cameron if you took over the world. Yikes.

Hawks deposit 5 past CS Bank

2011-07-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - One session Arrowhawk and current CS Bank forward Emily Moersdorf and the rest of her CS Bank mates did their best to hand the Arrowhawks a loss Friday, but they were unsuccessful. The Arrowhawks defeated CS Bank 5-3 Friday despite not having many skaters. A full breakdown of the game will come later. For now, you can view the boxscore by clicking here.

"There's no question Moersdorf has mad skills with the puck and can skate very well but she seems to have a problem coordinating her socks," said Arrowhak defenseman Mike Gauthier. "One orange and one white? Really? Come on..."

"Gooch hates it when guys go with one light and one dark sock," said John Kenyon when asked about Gooch's reputation for fashion. "He flat won't allow it in our locker room. It must distract his game." he added.

Whalers sitting pretty

2011-07-01T07:20:00.000-07:00

As it stands now, the Whalers are the class of the league. At least according to the current CAHL C2 standings, they are. The Eskimos, Leafs and Arrowhawks will have something to say before it's all said and done, but right now they deserve the top spot.

"They've done a good job adding guys to round out their roster," said Arrowhawk utility man Chris Carpenter. "I used to be able to catch most their guys when I was caught out of position but now Gooch and I have to just watch them skate away. Reminds me when I was a kid and had to chase chickens for dinner. My dad would always tell me I needed faster change of direction -- guess he was right."

The Whalers have been stout defensively and limited opposing teams chances.

"I don't want to talk about it," said LW Tom Morgan, still hurting from last week's loss. "no comment. Damn refs."

Arrowhawk officials do not anticipate a fine from the league for Morgan's rant after the controversial no-goal from last week. The Whalers victory propelled them into the top spot in the division, dropping the Hawks to 3rd place.

"it won't matter if we can't beat Emily Moersdorf and the rest of CS Bank," said Oleg Chetverikov.

Right indeed.

Roster thin for CS Bank

2011-06-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

The Arrowhawks will do their best with a thin roster against CS Bank this Friday. Nearly 50% of their usual lineup will be unavailable for the game leading some to be concerned about their chances.

"We've got our work cut out for us," said leading point man Kevin Griffith. "CS Bank has a good goalie and strong defenseman, so we'll have to finish our chances if we expect to get a win." he added after Wednesday's practice.

Nick Lanctot will be on the ice for the Hawks, manning the blueline with Gooch and Joe Factor, a formidable pairing.

"Three defenseman isn't great but we'll see what kind of legs we have on Friday," said Lanctot.

Refs blew that one...

2011-06-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

Tough game last Friday between the Hawks and the much improved Panthers. The Hawks had 2 goals called back by the horribly out of position refs and that led to a 2-1 victory by the Panthers. "The second goal was in by a foot and that turd Brandon pulled it back!" said Tom Morgan in the post game press conference, "I asked Brandon after the game to admit that he pulled it back and the coward denied it" Morgan continued. The Panthers are a pretty good group of guys so that made for a high paced exciting game...too bad the refs got in the way. On a down note, talented Panthers D-Man Brian Oricoli went down with a bad injury toward the end of the game and the weekly media report has him listed with an upper body injury. We hope he makes a speedy recovery. Next up for the Hawks...CS Bank.

Mamas tough SOBs

2011-06-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

POWELL, OH - Wow, what a game. The Arrowhawks won a nail-biter on a brilliant toe save with one second left on the clock, 4-3. The Mamas and Papas are a very good hockey team with some good finishers around the net. They also sport one of the league's top defenseman, #2 Weir. When that guy has the puck, watch out. He skates very well and is tough as nails in his defensive zone.

The Hawks needed 3 third period goals to get the win. The Mamas pulled their goalie and scored with :58 seconds left in the game to cut the lead to one goal. The Hawks dug in and were determined to hang on, though. James Santho was dynamite in net and so was the Mamas goalie. He must have made 35 saves on the night. It was back and forth with excellent save after excellent save.

The offensive heroes for the Hawks were Mark Monahan and Oleg Chetverikov with two goals a piece. Leading point man Kevin Griffith had 3 Hellers on the night. Tom Morgan and Jason Jensen also had points.

Eskimos goalie voted best

2011-06-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

Jonathan Edwards has been voted the best goalie in the league, by a two to one margin.

"Freakin Eskimos have stacked the voting. They either have way too much time on their hands or they're computer savvy and figured ways to infect our polls with spyders and autobots," said Mac Lawless from his Antigua summer home. "The guy is good but he doesn't even match the rest of the team. He wears that green sweater. What gives?"

"He's a good goalie, but we know Jason is the pride of the league," said LW Tom Morgan.

Efforts to reach Jensen were not successful. "Jay's finishing his hare krishna bike riding tour through the hills of Amish country," said his most excellent wife, Alana. "He doesn't have his cel phone so I can't reach him for comment. He won't be home until he reaches his 3 household or 12 person quota. Last count he had 3 in the fold. He'd be happy for the Mo's goalie though. These goalies always stick together," she added.

More photos from Leafs win

2011-06-12T10:43:00.001-07:00

Eskimos top Rhirruto 5-2

2011-06-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

Did I spell that right? Is it really Rhirruto? Am I the only one who has a tough time with their name? The Cowbells were easy. So were the ClownPunchers, still my all-time favorite name to date. Yes I know it is from the Adam Sandler movie; but still, I don't really have to know how to actually spell their darn name, right?

In any case, Rizzuruto lost tonight to a spirited Freakin Eskimos team, who just happened to win the whole shabang last session. We snapped some photos while waiting for the rain to stop so we didn't ruin our expensive cameras. See how ugly their boring yellow sweaters are?

Freakin Eskimos. Nice red socks.

More photos from Leafs win

2011-06-10T22:05:00.001-07:00

Hawks pin Leafs 4-2

2011-06-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - Wow, what a game. This one had it all. Five on three's, penalties out the wazoo, both centers in the box at once -- it was a regular free-for-all out there tonight. Checks, penalties, penalties and more penalties.

At stake was first place in the division. The undefeated Maple Leafs, the number two seeded offensive powerhouse from the winter session and loser in the championship game, against the up-again Arrowhawks, loser of just one game in the session. Entering the contest, the Leafs had been scored on just 6 times in the session and had averaged an impressive 1.5 goals against per game. They scored about 4.5 goals per game (meaning they were +3 in each game for you math challenged folk) and led the league in both categories. #93 once again led his team in all offensive categories.

Tonight, their glass tipped over.

This game was all Hawks. Kevin Griffith was paired with new signee Bryan Wharton and the line was magic. Captain Mark Monahan and franchise leading point leader Tom Morgan were moved to the second line in a move so brilliant it would have won a Cannes Film Festival award if it were a movie.

"Black Swan meets Ladie Judy Dench," said defenseman Terry Walker from the shower. "Disturbing thought but a hell of a story."

Um, yeah. For the record, Walker played very well even though he's pushing 73 years old. "My birthday is coming up next week. I asked for a new cane with flames on the side, but I doubt I'll get it because my family spends all their money on snuggles," said a disappointed Walker.

Helping the Hawks was Tommy Parker.

"What a skater that kid is," said Tom Morgan. "I'm not sure where he came from but I'm really glad we landed him for the session. He's a hell of a skater."

Parker was stellar manning the blueline for the Hawks.

"Their defense did a great job closing the gap and not giving up quality chances," said the Leafs goaltender after the game.

Speaking of chances, Mark Monahan had a glorious breakaway opportunity in the second period. He didn't score, but he hustled his ass off to net the chance and almost burried the rebound. "Their goalie did a good job taking away the angles. I thought I had him 5 hole but must have missed it. He made 2 nice saves, bang bang." said the Hawks captain, +2 on the night.

3 STARS
1st star - James Santho, Goalie - Arrowhawks.
Dude was absolutely brilliant. Awesomely fast glove tonight and terrific positioning. It was clear early the Leafs would have to move the puck high to low and get traffic in front if they were going to score. What a difference maker.

2nd star - Bryan Wharton, C - Arrowhawks
What a free agent aqcuisition this guy has been. If there was ever a match for the Hawks style of play, this guy has it. He scored 2 more goals tonight and was absolutely stellar paired with league point leader Kevin Griffith. "Imagine if we could check," pondered the skilled finisher at the bar after the game. "What fun that would be."

3rd star - Mark Monahan, C - Arrowhawks
Mark was all over the ice tonight. Played a great two-way game setting up teammates in the offensive zone and breaking up chances in the defensive zone. Think a really short Zdeno Chara and a really slow Mike Madano. That's Mark. He's really good.

Oh Canada!

2011-06-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

Great news, fans. We actually got a decent bite from the great white north this week. Could it be former Arrowhawk Dave 'Hammerin' Cameron is considering moving back to Ohio to once again don the black and red? Could it be he "Has a better offer?" that'll bring him to the Buckeye state?

Calls to owner Bill Miller went unanswered. His machine simply said, "Leave me alone, I'm eating chocolate."

Tommy's favorite netminder

2011-06-03T20:47:00.001-07:00

Snapped this image of the Whaler's netminder the other night against CS Bank. He's actually quite a good goalie, moving well from post to post. He made several great saves against THOR and the rest of the CS Bankers. Not even Emily Moersdorf could blast a slapper past him early. The photo stood out to me, but I struggled with a caption. Must have had something to do with the blurred white T on his helmet, like a smashed bird that threw me off.

Maybe you'll have more luck, write your own caption in the comments field.

Memo to league: this guy's good

2011-06-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

There's a new Johnny Red Pants in the league, Maple Leafs. It's this guy, #22 for the Whalers. Something tells me he's going to give the Friday night league fits before it's all said and done. He even matches his helmet to his pants, something Gooch would be proud of.

Minnesota tool diffuses Bombers

2011-06-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

COLUMBUS, OH - The fourth game of the summer session is in the fold. The Arrowhawks, having lost their last game 7-3 to Rizzuithi or something like that, were determined to notch a W this week. Their opponent was the stingy Bombers and their really swanky maroon sweaters (though they were away and likely looked like a ragtag bunch tonight).

New Arrowhawk Bryan Wharton #27 scored :43 seconds into the game. Wasn't there so I didn't see it, but I'm sure it went something like this: Puck drops. Wharton wins faceoff. Back to Snow who passes to Morgan who skates hard into zone. Throws it back to Snow who launches a one-timer to the net. Rebound short side, Wharton pots it.

Bombers bench lets out a collective gasp.

Thing is, the Bombers are a tough bunch. Tommy Parker is a solid player and thier goalie is stout and technically gifted (yeah, like I would know if a goalie was technically gifted. I couldn't score a goal on that blue plastic practice goalie with 25 pucks.)

The Bombers ignited the scoreboard 6 minutes into the second period with a beautiful tick-tack-toe goal by #18 Sucharski. The puck bounced off Arrowhawk goalie James Santho's head twice before falling in the net. Defenseman Mike Gauthier was distracted by one of the Bombers who wore socks that didn't match.

"That's just not right," said Gooch after the game. "I hate it when guys can't at least match their hues, picking light and dark socks." he admitted in disgust.

5 minutes later Wharton lit the lamp again, this time on an unassisted effort. The score was 2-1 Hawks heading into the final frame. The Bombers evened the game four minutes into the 3rd when #16 James Chomic took a feed from Sucharski and slid the puck past a diving Santho. Suddenly the three person crowd woke up and one guy even stood up and clapped for more exciting hockey action.

"You guys are really freakin' good!" he screamed.

Top line Arrowhawk defenseman Minnesota Nick Lanctot heard the rallying cry and scored the game winner with 5 minutes to go in the game. His shot is harder than... (softball, you take it) and probably took a shot so hard everyone ducked, including the aforementioned Bomber stout goalie and all his technical brilliance. Either that or Lanctot fired it off a skate in front and it somehow found the back of the net. Either way, he gets the game winner.

"What can I say? The boys came to play tonight and I'm glad because I was traveling all week. I watched Kevin shave his head in the locker room before the game and I saw the dedication in his eyes," said Lanctot. "I knew I had to score a goal for him or he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. Thats what teammates do, they take care of each other. I'm like a warm freakin blanket for these cold bunch of sacks."

Both goalies and defenses played well, killing off all 4 power plays each. Barry Snow didn't break any sticks. Tron had his first penalty, a roughing call in the first. For the entire boxscore, click here.

Damn those simple white sweaters

2011-05-27T19:55:00.001-07:00

Hawks grounded by Rirruto

2011-05-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

GAHANNA, OH - The Arrowhawks hit a road bump tonight, falling-scratch that- 50mph road rashing their way to a 7-3 throttling by a much improved team I still can't pronounce. I think it's Rhirrotu, named after the Persian King, Rhirrutoson the Great. He wore white clothes to stay cool in a very hot Egyptian climate, thus the plain white sweaters in is honor. We'll get into the game action sometime tomorrow, but for now here are some photos of the action.

Quick hits: Monahan moved to wing, not so good. #27 Tool is as advertised, a finisher a top-shelf player. Tron is really tall and a pain to play against along the blue line. How the hell does Oleg slide his way through traffic so well out there? He always gets good shots off. Kevin is a machine. Pair him with Tool and watch out. New kid pops cherry on a dandy in front. Ruzzuto added some quality skill. Minnesota was missed. Everyone loves Minnesota, it's a favorite vacation destination. Snow and Factor held their own and Jensen has more skill than advertised.

More later, including photos from the Whaler CS Bank game.

Hawks down champs in rare blowout

2011-05-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

Dublin, OH- The Arrowhawks entered Friday nights contest with the Eskimos as a 2 goal underdog (Vegas Odds) based on the fact that the Eskimos haven't lost to the Hawks since June '10. The contest began as scripted with the Mo's dominating early and often. "We couldn't get the puck out of our zone to save our lives" said team captain Mark Monahan who was making his season debut. The Hawks pretty much ran around aimlessly until Kevin Griffith and Chris Carpenter broke in 2 on 1 with :45 seconds to go in the first. Griffith moved left and drew the D-man and slipped a pass back to his right to Carpenter. Carpenter avoided the Oh S**t factor and drilled a shot high over goalie Jonathan Edwards to give the Hawks a 1-0 lead after the 1st.

The second period was the direct opposite of the 1st with the Hawks dominating the play and adding 2 more goals from Mark Monahan and Griffith, both were set up by Chris Carpenter and Nick Lanctot. I know...Carpenter? 3 points? It's not a typo...the dude played his nuts off.

It was clear that the Eskimos were done screwing around because they came out on fire to start the 3rd period. Tom Curren took the game into his own hands and scored with 10:05 left and again on the power play with 8:20 left to make it a 3-2 game. "Oh s**t, here we go again" Barry Snow bellowed from the bench. Fortunately for the Arrowhawk fan (not fans) in attendance the bleeding stopped there. Tom Morgan scored a pair of goals and Mac Lawless found the back of the net to round out the scoring and the Hawks cruised to a 6-2 victory.

Team Notes:
• Kevin Griffith (3G-5A) is the league leader in points
• Kevin Griffith & Tom Morgan (3G) are tied for 2nd in the league for goals scored
• Kevin Griffith (5A) and Nick Lanctot (3A) are 1st and 2nd respectively in assists

5 Questions: Tom Morgan, LW

2011-05-17T13:58:00.000-07:00

Those who've read posts on this site realize we have nothing better to do than work, take care of our kids, eat and play hockey. That's about as good as it gets, if you ask me. In an effort to tell everyone just how great we are (that's not REALLY propaganda is it?) we publish a 5 questions feature each Monday. It helps bridge the gap between game writeups and complaints that the Freakin' Mos are a bunch of cheaters (which they are).

With that, 5 questions with future Arrowhawk hall-of-famer (if we had one), Tom Morgan.

Q: What is your greatest strength as a hockey player?
A: Making it to the game on time.

Q: Rapid fire:
a) favorite goalie to score against: Panthers goalie, It's fun to watch a grown man lose his mind.
b) most difficult team to score against: Eskimos, their D always seem to get a stick or body in the way. Plus their goalie is pretty good.
c) favorite pre-game meal: Pasta from Noodles.
d) thoughts of Kevin's diet: Gross, worst gas ever.
e) ever missed an open net? I sure did, and I laughed my ass off the whole way back to the bench.
f) if you had to pick a nickname for the captain, what would you choose? Mark...I just call him Mark.

Q:. What is your most memorable goal scored in your hockey life?
A: Definitely when I ricocheted a shot off of Torsok's hind quarters and into the net...upper twine too!

Q: If you had the choice between attending a concert with Mac or dropping a hammer on your toe, which would you choose and why?
A: I need more information, too many variables...What concert? How heavy is the hammer?

Q: Are the Eskimo's really that good?
A: Yes they are, solid from top to bottom and they play as a team.

Whaler's goalie wins

2011-05-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

The poll is closed. 68% of those who responded thought the Whaler's goalie would be the most likely to flip out at some point this session, leaving his defenseman to finish the game in net. Personally, I like the Whaler's goalie. I swear he growls during games and I think I recall some decent banter thrown about during play. I've heard there are guys in the league who like to ring shots off his mask deliberately, but we've never been able to confirm that. I tried it once but I hit the glass or couldn't get the shot off the ice or fell on my ass in the process of shooting. In any case, we like the Whaler netminder and don't think he'd lose his cool during a game. He's much too composed, despite the golf glove he wears beneath his catching glove.

Hawks open summer with 5-2 win

2011-05-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

COLUMBUS, OH - The Arrowhawks opened the summer season with a new lineup but the result was the same, a 5-2 victory of the talented CS Bank. The Hawks were sporting a new goaltender, 2 new forwards and the return of D-man Nick Elswick. The new faces all made their presence felt but it was the core of the team that made the difference.

Sniper Kevin Griffith opened the scoring with 8:25 to go in the 1st on a tip in off of a Tom Morgan shot from the point to make it 1-0...more on Morgan's stint on D later. CS Bank roared back with 2 goals in .06 seconds on consecutive 2 on 1 breaks with William Cooper and Tood Aiello connecting to take a 2-1 lead with 3:00 to go in the 1st.

The Hawks had a few late arrivals and that forced LW Tom Morgan to play D for a chunk of the 1st. After the Griffith goal earlier in the period Morgan could be overheard on the bench saying "1 shift, 1 point! D isn't so hard!" well, he should have quit while he was ahead...now fast forward. "He came up to me and asked if he could have another run", All Star Defencemen Nick Lanctot said of Morgan as he spoke to the media after the game, "so I said, why not?" Well Morgan found himself on the business end of back to back odd man rushes with brutal results. Thank goodness Oleg Chetverikov wasn't paying attention to the debacle on the ice as he rifled a shot past goalie Brian Cooper on a feed from Griffith to tie the game at the end of the 1st.

The Hawks regrouped between periods and the rest of their lineup finally made it to the rink, including Bryan Wharton who was making his much anticipated debut with the Hawks. Wharton made his presence felt early as he burst through center ice with the puck and found Morgan trailing as he entered the zone. Bryan made a beautiful pass and Morgan went top shelf to make it 4-2 with 8:23 to go in the 2nd. Griffith capped off the scoring on a laser pass from Lanctot and that was all she wrote. Bret MacDonald also made his Hawks debut and didn't disappoint. The 19 year old from Utah should good puck skills and had several scoring chances. GM Rick Titus was reportedly giddy from his perch in the press box as he watched his new acquisition..."the kid can play!" he told the media after the game "let's see what he can do next week" he concluded. Jamie Santho was stellar in his Hawks debut and made several big save with his quick glove hand, "you're not going to beat him there" said regular netminder Jason Jensen who is playing wing this summer. "If it wasn't for Morgan's putrid D he would have blanked them!" he added.

The Hawks play defended league champs The (Freakin')Eskimos next week, we'll see if they can bring the same effort.

EDITOR NOTE: I added the Freakin' to the Mo's, since that's how we all know them. The Freakin' Mos.

More summer roster changes

2011-05-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

There will be some new faces in the Arrowhawk locker room this summer. There will also be some old faces playing new positions -- like Jensen manning the wing and Andrew between the pipes. Many of the usual suspects will be home knitting sweaters with their wives, running their kids to and from sporting events, trying to fix their broken down Ducati's (never ends) or trying to perfect the art of building a rocket out of old beer cans. But that's ok. We've replaced you. At least for one session, anyway.

Since I'm in the giving mood, the Eskimos, Leafs CS Bank, Whalers Rurrittto (still can't spell that darn team name) and Mamas can have some advanced scouting:

Bryan Wharton - AKA Tool Helmet. We knew it was just a matter of time before we got our hooks into this talented player. "He's been an Arrowhawk killer," said Jason Jensen, starting netminder. "It'll be great to finally have him on our side for once. What a great acquisition." Wharton will certainly be a top 6 forward for the Hawks. Rumor is, team captain Mark Monahan may even move to wing to maximize the line's effectiveness (the move has been confirmed, Monahan will move to the wing, centered by Bryan with Morgan as the other wing.)

Nick Elswick - TRON! Welcome back Tron! Long ago Tron would drive opposing forwards nuts with his long as hell reach and tenacity on the ice. It'll be great to have him out there again. Right now Elswick is slated to play defense, but that could change.

Bret MacDonald - Bret is a former high school player from Utah and comes to us through Martin Spanhel, the CAHL commissioner. No word yet on a) whether Bret is mormon (not that it matters but we've never had a mormon on our team) and b) if he can score goals; but we'll welcome him either way.

Welcome to the club, boys!

The art of the secret stat

2011-05-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

I came across this great read involving secret stats, Dave King and Tomas Holmstrom, a fan favorite of RW Jason Torsok. After reading, I thought about which player in our league would have the best secret stats.

From the Hawks perspective, Mac would win hands down if the stats included pre-game pops, number of Beerfest's attended or picking losing Kentucky Derby horses. Barry would win if the stats took into account the number of times you attempt a slapshot, break your stick and curse all the way to the bench because it's your second $100 stick broken this session. Carp dominates the drawing stick figures on the wall of the sin-bin category. Tommy and Monahan look great skating around opposing defenders, generating chances. For me though, Torsok wins the price hands down. He's our Holmstrom, with longer hair and a more adept offensive lineman frame.

Looking through the league, I'd say Johnny Red Pants from the Leafs is up there. As is the new defenseman for the Mamas and Papas, #4. The Leafs of course have #93, but he skates too fast and does too many fancy turns with the puck causing me to look stupid, so he gets bumped six spots for that. Eric Ott, C, for the session champion Effin Mo's is a big body and plays his position well. He also seems to make a point to say hello before the game begins, a quality show of sportsmanship, before he knocks me over on the face off.

The Hawk killer over the last three years though has been Tool Helmet, Bryan Wharton, of Discover/Big Pucks. He's scored many goals on our favorite netminder, Jason Jensen, despite excellent goaltending. He's a sniper, playmaker and a quality defensive player.

Boy, what a great addition he'd be to the Arrowhawks.

Freakin' Mo's win it all

2011-05-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

Well they've done it again. The Freakin' Eskimos defeated the Maple Leafs and the league's most potent goal scorer, #93, in the championship game by a lopsided score of 4-1. No overtime shootout. No thrilling end, just a good ol' fashion but whoopin' like the Hawks used to do to the Mo's long, long ago. Boy how the tables have turned.

What this here reporter can't understand is how in the world the Leafs, with all their goal scoring skill and excellent goaltending, can't win the big game. They seem to play in bursts, rather than a full sustained 36 minutes.

Congratulations to the Mo's and all their fans (3) for a great session. Good luck trying to repeat. Rumor is CS Bank and The Whalers are primed with new players. The Hawks will have a few new faces as well, but we'll break that news later in the week.

57 percent of you got it right, picking the Freakin' Mo's in our fancy scientific poll.

Mo's D. #93. The Bears.

2011-05-05T14:06:00.001-07:00

The Leafs have the league's best offense, by a goal. The Mo's have the league's best defense, by 10. The Mo's have one more win then the Leafs and two more points (22). Something will have to give tomorrow night when the league's best two teams square off in the championship. Having seen the Leafs potent offensive ability first hand, Eric Ott and the boys will have their work cut out for them.

In order to get a full read on how the Eskimos defensive size will impact the game, we got ahold of the tallest Arrowhawk, Mac Lawless.

"The Mo's have some big defenders who'll clear the front of the net," said Lawless from his Caribbean vacation home, a $1.5 million dollar estate nestled between the Antiguan foothills. "They aren't as tall or athletic as me, but they're big and they eat a lot so they're tough to move. #93 and the Leafs will need to take the puck in deep and use their points if they'll have a chance to score." he added while slurping down a frosty beverage.

The Hawks leading goal scorer Kevin Griffith thinks differently. "I think the Mo's will win. They wear those bright jerseys and the Leafs can't stand bright colors. I think they are all color blind. They could use my goal scoring touch around the net."

"Whatever the Mo's do, they shouldn't cough up the puck in transition in their defensive zone," said Hawk defenseman Mike Gauthier. "Not that I ever did that, but if I did I CERTAINLY wouldn't give it up to #93, that slow-footed oaf."

"I predict a final score of 3-2," said Hawk Captain Mark Monahan. "I still don't have a great knickname and that pisses me off," he added matter-of-factly. He then hung up the phone and didn't give a winner.

Who'll win the championship game, Mac?

"The Bears," he said 7 umbrella drinks under.

The Bears it is.

Summer roster sitouts

2011-05-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

Jason Torsok will be sitting out the summer session.

The Hawks will have to fill some pretty big holes for their summer roster. Considering their down session, maybe the old mantra should be in effect. Missing from the summer will be: RW Jason Torsok, D Mac Lawless, D/F Nate Mensel, C Oleg Chetverikov (selling saunas) and LW Rick Titus (still no goals, leading to daughter saying "I'm the best hockey player in the house")

Factor in for summer

2011-05-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

The latest Arrowhawk to commit to the summer session is none other than utility defenseman/forward Joe 'No Fear' Factor. The long-time Hawk is excited to play again for the Hawks fulltime.

"I can't wait to get after it," said the very handsome 8-year veteran. "You aren't still using that old photo of me for media coverage are you?"

Nope.

Top teams advance

2011-05-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The CAHL C2 Friday night's two best teams advanced to face each other in heated playoff action, Friday. The top seeded Eskimos and their ugly yellow sweaters survived a suddenly swift Whaler's team 2-1, made up of a bunch of skaters who like to whale (whatever that means). The Maple Leafs skated to a 4-3 victory (surprise! that's the score of nearly every Arrowhawk Maple Leaf game) over the defending champion, Big Pucks. What a game that must have been. This reporter thinks #93 had to play a big role in the Leafs win.

Leafs versus Eskimos for the hoodie. Despite 41% of our readers thinking the Eskimos will win, my money is on #93 and the Leafs.

"Their goalie is really big," said Mike Gauthier from the penalty box.

"Gooch, this is stick and puck, there aren't any penalties. You can come out and skate with your kid," yelled Chris Carpenter from the ice. "That's ok. I feel at home in here," Gooch replied.

Griffith wins scoring title

2011-04-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

Kevin Griffith has won the scoring title for the Arrowhawks summer session. His impressive 10 goals and 4 assists (14 points for the math challenged) were achieved in only 7 games. That averages out to being a 2 point per game player (again for you math sucks). If he played in the NHL he'd suck balls, but since he doesn't he's really damn good. Needs a new helmet though. Nicely done #25!

Leafs down Hawks in thriller

2011-04-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Arrowhawks battled hard but lost their game tonight 2-1 to a talented Maple Leafs squad. It ends a tumultuous session for the Hawks, one they haven't seen in quite some time.

"Our hats are off to the Leafs," said defenseman Mike Gauthier after the game. "That #93 is a talented player, probably one of if not the best goal scorer in the league." he added as he walked away in disgust.

The game was in doubt until the very end, with both teams having quality scoring chances. Oleg Chetverikov notched the lone Arrowhawk goal with a great individual effort in front.

"Kevin found me in front, or there was a deflection and I just did what I used to do back in the Ukraine, potted it like a shot of Stoly," admitted the one they call Epic Win. "Unfortunately it wasn't enough and we'll have to wait until next session to settle the score."

Kevin Griffith filled in nicely for Nate Mensel who was home bottling pickles for the upcoming winter. "I like Tommy's basement even though his pool table is too close to the wall," said Griffith during postgame. "I don't like the cue ball bouncing off the table and into other people. It reminds me of high school when I wounded a man."

Nick Lanctot and Mac Lawless manned the blueline for the Hawks with Terry Walker and Gooch. They were physical and moved the puck to the forwards in brilliant fashion. Lawless was released from custody to once again join the Hawks. He didn't miss a beat after being out of action for the last 5 games. "I like Mexico," said Lawless curiously.

"I should have burried my chances," said the really tall Lawless. "I won't sleep tonight so I am going to toilet paper my neighbor."

Arrowhawk captain Mark Monahan skated on the second line tonight with usual winger Tom Morgan.

"We thought the matchups were better with our skating with the twos," said Monahan. "We had some chances but the Leafs defenders clogged the zone in tight and kept us away from the net. I think I'll go home and think about my next marathon," he added. Monahan likes to run when he's not tearing up the Friday night league.

Barry Snow skated on the top line and played well with Griffith and Epic Win. Chris Carpenter filled in for normal RW Jason Torsok who was home ill, nursing a swollen groin muscle from an aggressive golf swing. "Its got to be the white pants," said Torsok from his swanky Tartan Fields home. "I'll admit when I have the Denmark attire on, I go for it." he said via telephone after hearing of the Hawk loss. "I wish I were there with my mates, but wouldn't have been 100 percent."

League commissioner Martin Spanhel was in attendance. Efforts to get a quote were unsuccessful. If interviewed, we're sure he'd have said, "The Hawks look great out there but they could really use my skill. Or at least Firenuts out there."

The Leafs have enough skill to win it all this session. They'll have to get past the Eskimos and Big Pucks though, a tall order. Stay tuned to the site as we'll cover the action to the session champions.

CHAMPS!

2011-04-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

OK so it isn't the Hawks, but it does contain some of them. Congrats to India Oak for their C West, Wednesday night championship. I have no idea who the ringers are on the team, but I can tell you a line with Nate Mensel and Bryce Griffith centered by Arrowhawk leading goal scorer Kevin Griffith is a great line. Looks like the Wednesday night league found that out first hand. I can't forget to mention the 'other lawfirm line member' Bryan Griffith. Not sure where he played, but I'm sure he played well! Well done, Boys!

It's go time

2011-04-21T17:00:00.001-07:00

The Arrowhawks 2011 Winter session is about to continue or end, depending on their ability to handle the league's second best team, the Maple Leafs. It's been a long session for the Hawks. "We've struggled a bit this session, but we've got our full squad for the game and we're ready to go," said prolific LW Tom Morgan. "We'll see if we have enough. The Leafs are a tough team."

Post practice speech

2011-04-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

The following is a transcript of an emotional speech given by longtime Arrowhawk and team GM, Bill 'Soft Spot' Miller after the morning practice. The Arrowhawks will face the #2 seed Maple Leafs this Friday in the opening round of the CAHL C2 playoffs. The Leafs are favored by 2 goals.

"You guys are such slackers. It’s amazing we’ve been able to accomplish three wins this session with all the complete suckness that’s infested this hockey club. If I were Bruce Budreau I’d assault everyone with an oppressive volley of Fbombs attached to words like effort, commitment, discipline and nutsack. Then I’d draw lots of lines and arrows on the grease board and finish it off with an ACME box of TNT exploding to depict the raw shit we’ve put on the ice this session. Frankly, I’m disappointed to put on my sweater. True, it smells a bit since I don’t want to wash it and ruin it, but even still I’m reminded of too many missed opportunities, like that time Oleg plowed into Nate in the corner or when Terry kept pointing to me when the ref blew his whistle. 12 weeks of missing 3 foot puts. That’s the feeling eating at the pit of my stomach. But it’s not too late it turn it around, boys. One win. One stinking win is all we need to get the train to badass back on the track. All that stands in the way are the Maple Leafs and all their fancy skating and goal scoring ability. They’ll be tough to defeat, that’s for sure. Not sure we have the intestinal fortitude to dig deep within ourselves to gut out a W. Not sure I like the visual of Barry digging deep within himself anyway. We can’t miss this put, boys. Left edge. Right, Mark?"

Beer 2, Arrowhawks 0

2011-04-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

Once again, the Hawks quest for a championship loses out to beer. Fans will remember week 2 of the session, when half the roster was missing to attend beerfest. Friday's CAHL C2 league playoffs are on a temporary hiatus to accommodate the weekend Labatts Adult Tournament. If your team is playing in the tournament, good luck! The Hawks aren't playing since the league officials wouldn't allow beer on the bench during the games.

"It's a Labatts tournament for crimany sakes," said Mike Gauthier. "Shouldn't they have taps and frosty mugs available to the players?"

Fellow defenseman Mac Lawless, always one to philosophize had a deeper explanation, "They want us drinking after the game, not before. It is a refreshment after all. It's hard to be refreshed before you need to be."

League officials weren't available to comment.

John, sequels suck.

2011-04-08T20:54:00.001-07:00

SAME PLACE - Did you ever see the movie Rambo II? I did. For the life of me I don't know why. The original was unexpectedly entertaining. Why does Hollywood have to ruin a good thing by piling on a crappy sequel, anyway? Better yet, why the hell did I fall for needing to see more of John Rambo? And who the hell has a name like John when you kick that much ass? Take Arrowhawk left/right wing John Kenyon for example. He's a cool dude and looks like he's got some Rambo in him, but his best feature is when he wears his bifocals at he bar (quite the look -- had to make the MBA students feel like they were going to have to take it up a notch). But his name is John. Sure, there's honor and a biblical meaning to the name, but wouldn't something like Rocco carry more street-cred, or in our case ice-cred?

I digress.

The Hawks played three full periods of hockey tonight. That's a plus. They battled despite having a short bench (again. You suck Mac. Really. I mean, what the hell? Who sets the priorities in your house? I know you have a job and kids and a great wife who's all into philanthropy and helping people, but why can't you be like Tom Cruise in that epic agent movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. and help me help you? We're going to auction your number for beers).

There I go again...

The Hawks skated with two lines tonight. They wore their spiffy new red sweaters and Carp even wore his the correct way. Their opponent wore their blue Whalers sweaters (also quite spiffy) but were pricks and scored more goals then the Hawks. The refs didn't help matters. Danny and Gary, both very cool looking in their zebra stripes and their whistles, couldn't help but make early calls in the Whalers direction. At one point, team GM Rick Titus was called for (shoving? pushing? nudging? physically persuading) one of the Whalers skaters, causing him to fall on the ice. The call was so controversial the Hawks 2 fans screamed in horror. No worries. The Hawks special teams are skilled since they've had so much practice and killed the penalty.

"I was really tired anyway," I said. (this third person speak is strange) "I was hoping there would be blood so I could get a double minor."

The final score was 3-2 Whalers. The game was close, despite the Hawks playing a lousy freakin game dammit. The ice was to blame, definitely. And the zamboni driver, he sucked. He was short and fat and smelled like potato soup. The crowd was lame, except for the kids who were awesome and spirited with their cheers.

Hawks goals were scored by Nick 'Minnesota' Lanctot, the best damn skater in Arrowhawk history (except for Chad Meyer and of course John Mowatt) and Oleg 'Epic' Chetverikov. For the record, Rick Titus assisted on both. So did Nate 'I never met a road bike I have to pedal I didn't like' Mensel (likes to ride over 300 miles a week).

Jason Jensen was awesome on the night. His pads thumped shot after shot and he was his usual awesome self. At this point, the Hawks wouldn't trade Jensen for Steve Mason, the Jackets netminder. "Jay has better hair," admitted Jason Torsok, a healthy scratch for the night. "I'm saving myself for the playoffs." he added.

Terry Walker looks really good in his red helmet and all black socks. He actually moves much better than one would think, considering he's 69 years old and walks with a cane. Nate Mensel looked fatigued out there, but still made the plays when he needed to (shit, I just ended the sentence with a preposition).

Tom Morgan and captain Mark Monahan were good on the night, as they usually are, but just didn't seem to have their usual finishing ability on the night. Give the Whalers credit. They brought their harpoons (ha! couldn't resist).

"This was certainly a bad sequel," said a disappointed Barry Snow. "I don't even feel like eating tonight. I may go toilet paper Carp's house since he lives so close and I won't have to drive. I'll wear my best Rambo outfit so he can't catch me."

Damn sequels.

Damn, losing sucks

2011-04-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Arrowhawks played the final game of the summer session tonight. Let's leave it at that. Good night!

Fish slap

2011-04-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

Oleg's brother

2011-04-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Big Pucks come up huge in win

2011-04-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

DUBLIN, OH - Game two of Friday's double header was a rematch of last session's championship game. Same result, unfortunately. It was close early, but the Big Pucks did their thing and wore the Hawks down, eventually winning 5-3.

"They have no weak skaters," said top line RW Jason Torsok. Jay had a terrific goal, slamming home a rebound that bounced from the Puck's goalie's glove. "I got lucky. But, I'll take it."

Torsok has missed the past few games training for the national hot dog eating contest. "At least, that's what we've been told," said Chris Carpenter with a snicker. Sources haven't confirmed the report, but if it is true, Torsok will have competition.

"I love hot dogs," said Kevin Griffith. "I can take him."

Griffith added a terrific goal of his own in the second game. He grabbed the puck at the Puck's blue line, skated between three skaters with the puck at his feet and slid one past the Puck's goalie. It was the first goal of the game and looked to give the Hawks a needed boost after a slow start.

"Carp forgot his banana in the locker room and we needed to go back and get it," said defenseman Terry Walker, back from his conditioning assignment with the Junior B Hawks. "Those guys are cool, but it's great to be back with the big club. I missed Mac. He's so tall and his moonwalk is second to none."

Some guy named Michael subbed for the Hawks on the night. He and Joe Factor filled in for Mike Gauthier and Mac Lawless who refused to leave the locker room until they finished their game of war. They were both healthy scratches, so they drank all the GM's Grey Goose. Bastards.

Speaking of which, those Big Pucks have some great players.

"They've got our number," said defenseman Nick Lanctot, the best skater on the ice all night. "It's like a team full of Nate Mensel's, without the competition road bike." he added. The Pucks have defeated the Hawks in their last three games. If they meet again, it'll be in the playoffs.

"We'd settle with one at this point," admitted championship motorcycle racer (no shit the guy is nuts) John My Bike is Faster than yours Kenyon. Next up? The Whalers.

Freakin Eskimos!

Hawks double-up Mamas

2011-04-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

DUBLIN, OH - The Arrowhawks played their doubleheader Friday. The Mamas and Papas were the first opponent and the Big Pucks were the second. For those of you who've followed the Hawks and the Friday night C2 league, the Mamas always seemed to struggle to score. In fact, they struggled in nearly all aspects. Sure, they had some good skaters but over the course of the game they'd wear down and couldn't match the other team's skill.

Boy have things changed.

Case in point? The Mamas and Papas defeated the Hawks the first time they met, 3-2. The Hawks were short -- not the vertically challenged kind, though they are quite small come to think of it -- they skated with 8 skaters. I recall losing a lung on the bench and crying to the hockey gods to drop any dead former B league adult rec hockey warrior out of the sky to take my spot. Gassed? Hardly. I don't have asthma but I would have loved to take a hit out of someone else's lung expander device. But I digress...

"The Mamas seemed to have turned over about half their roster," said captain Mark Monahan. "They are a tough team to play now and they proved it again tonight. It took our best effort to get past them. They'll be a tough out in the playoffs."

The Hawks bested the Mamas 2-0 but it wasn't easy. I'd report who scored the goals but I;ve either gotten hit in the head one too many times or had one too many beers and have forgotten who scored.

"I could have told the team reporter who scored but I like to see him rack his brain trying to remember," said LW Tom Morgan, team prankster. "By the way, Kevin needs to stop eating before games. I'll leave it at that."

The game was back and forth until the Hawks took the 2 goal lead. Then it was more back than forth.

Backup goalie Andrew I forgot his last name was stellar, pitching a shutout. He had some glove saves that Sandy Alomar would have been proud of. He's really tall, too. Very athletic. We're sure he probably lettered in like three sports at least. Probably volleyball (because he's tall) basketball (tall) and swimming (you guessed it).

MISSING FROM THE LINEUP
Too many to list. They all jumped on a bus and went to Georgia for some golf event called the Masters. The marketing folks there thought they needed a draw and asked the Hawks to visit for the week. "They bring a Happy Gilmore element that we sorely miss. Our beer revenue is always up when they come with their fans," said a random assistant junior marketing coordinator.

This post is sponsored by Oleg Saunas. "Live Large Like Ukraine!"

A Rare Bye Week

2011-03-18T19:44:00.001-07:00

As you all know, the Arrowhawks have a bye week. Fans are interested in what the players do during their off-time. Goaltender Jason Jensen and wife Alana conducted interviews to see what the Arrowhawks would be doing with their rare Friday night off. Here are the results!!!

Mark Monahan
First line center Mark Monahan is enjoying his time off by wandering around his house knee-deep in children. Mark enjoys dressing up like a clown, and throwing parties for his 3 kids. After all the other kids leave, and his children are in bed, he plans on doing his lovely wife.

Kevin Griffith
Kevin plans to spend his free Friday night by duct taping the few parts of his stick, that are not already covered in duct tape. He got his hands on some crazy glue with the intent of fixing up his stick, but realized, it's really fun to sniff. Planned on doing his wife, but passed out due to crazy glue inhalation.

Tom Morgan
Tom bought some beer, and couldn't talk because he was doing his wife. Not sure if he drank any beer yet.

Mac Lawless
He's drunk somewhere. He doesn't remember where he is, so he couldn't elaborate. Plans to try doing his wife later, but may end up scoring with a pillow.

Nate Mensel
Whatever he agreed to do tonight, he didn't show up for. Probably doing his wife.

Jason Torsok
Midnight golfing on a sail boat, most likely drunk. Wishing he had a wife to do.

Nick Lanctot
Selling whatever it is he sells to strangers while drunk. Planning on doing Marta later.

Barry Snow
Well... he's definately not surfing. Doing his new girlfriend.

Oleg Chetverikov
Relaxing in his sauna while stating "Opulence, i has it". Doing his wife after he's all hot and sweaty.

Rick Titus
Wishing he was playing hockey. Left work early to do his wife.

Mike Gauthier
Getting yet another tatoo, hitting up the tanning salon, then doing his wife.

John Kenyon
Staring off into space, while dreaming about doing his wife, even though she's ready and in bed already. Good luck John.

Chris Carpenter
Watching Glee re-runs. Eating home made dinner, then doing the wife.

Andrew Appelhans
Broke into Nationwide Arena to dress up in the Stinger costume and skate around for a while, with the flag, while wishing he had a wife to do.

Terry Walker
Wrote this article tonight while doing his wife....
There is an Asteroid named Apophis that will dance with the Earth a few times between 2029 and 2037. When first discovered, the course trajectory was not known enough to determine if it would hit the Earth in 2029. Oddly enough, for a few days, as the trajectory became better and better known, Earth still remained in the kill zone - which meant the chances of Apophis hitting the Earth grew. On December 24 2004, the chances of a direct impact with Earth was put at 1:37 - extremely scary. However, now we know that while Apophis will come VERY close in 2029, it will miss us. The chances of getting hit in 2029 are 0.
However, there is a gravitational "keyhole", very small, that if Apophis falls into will change its course just enough so that it WILL hit us in 2036. This keyhole is tiny, and the chances of Apophis hitting passing through and hitting us in 2036 is 1:45,000. Plus we should know with certainty if Apophis will fall into the keyhole within the next 10 years - plenty of time to do something about it (it will take very little to move the asteroid away from the keyhole).
There is also a chance that Apophis will hit in 2037, but this is minuscule: 1:2,700,000. This will occur if Apophis falls into yet a different gravitational keyhole in 2036.

Mark McFarland
Wishing he was playing hockey. Doing his wife, while dreaming about hockey. He can't help it, that's all he thinks about.

Jason Jensen
Stick handling in the living room, and dining room, with new hockey gloves, and a sweet liquid filled Mylec hockey ball. Planning to do the co-author very shortly. Is this article written yet? Yes it is, screw the proof reading, let's go do it!

Written by Alana and Jason Jensen