WORTHINGTON - OH, Stunning news out of the world of science as OSU Astronaut/Astrophysicist/Mixologist/Some Sort of Particle Something Dude/Rocket Surgeon/Arrowhawk Defenseman Terry Walker has definitively proved that hockey is much harder than previously thought, and is in fact "rocket science". Walker, known for his stalwart defense as well as being the smartest to ever don the storied Arrowhawk sweater, has previously lent his immense brain power to the Columbus Dispatch to explain the science of slapshots (it is unknown why Walker cannot produce said science himself), and to his teammate Rick Titus to explain why gravity makes him fall down. But recently, even Terry's huge cranial talent couldn't match the huge task of playing hockey. "I forgot my gloves", an astonished Walker was overheard saying in the locker room. "Apparently identifying planets, stars, and alien anal probes isn't that hard. Packing a bag with the same delightfully smelling gear for the last 10 years...not so much."
Many Arrowhawk teammates now question how it was ever possible that Walker had, in the mid 90"s, organized a top secret mission to blow up an asteroid headed for Earth, and why it was ever thought that Ben Affleck was talented. "Who knows," replied Hawk forward Mark Monahan, "maybe he needs to stick to heavy drinking. Or maybe it's the drinking that caused it. I like drinking. What were we talking about?"
As the hockey world tries to make sense of this amazing revelation, the hometown Arrowhawks are left asking many questions, among them:
Do I have my gloves?
Do I need to bring extra gloves for Terry?
How is it that a Rocket Scientist forgets his gloves, yet cereal eating cartoon watching Kevin Griffith always has his gear?
Is that a mustard stain on Kevin's England Rugby shirt?
Who will now take over as the brain trust in the locker room?
Do the remaining 13 guys know what brain trust means?
The Hawks will try to answer these questions and remain focused for tonight's battle with Chaos for league supremacy.
-Jason Torsok is a freelance writer for The Average Hockey News
Many Arrowhawk teammates now question how it was ever possible that Walker had, in the mid 90"s, organized a top secret mission to blow up an asteroid headed for Earth, and why it was ever thought that Ben Affleck was talented. "Who knows," replied Hawk forward Mark Monahan, "maybe he needs to stick to heavy drinking. Or maybe it's the drinking that caused it. I like drinking. What were we talking about?"
As the hockey world tries to make sense of this amazing revelation, the hometown Arrowhawks are left asking many questions, among them:
Do I have my gloves?
Do I need to bring extra gloves for Terry?
How is it that a Rocket Scientist forgets his gloves, yet cereal eating cartoon watching Kevin Griffith always has his gear?
Is that a mustard stain on Kevin's England Rugby shirt?
Who will now take over as the brain trust in the locker room?
Do the remaining 13 guys know what brain trust means?
The Hawks will try to answer these questions and remain focused for tonight's battle with Chaos for league supremacy.
-Jason Torsok is a freelance writer for The Average Hockey News
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