Traffic in the Arena District was heavier than usual on Friday, likely due to the the always-competitive match-up of the Hawks and orange-clad Discover. Approaching the Ice Haus, it was hard to ignore the legions of comely, mid-twenties ladies dressed in shorter-than-average skirts and precariously high heels. There also seemed to be an overabundance of slightly emasculated men holding hands with said ladies, or following packs of said ladies trying to chat them up. Oh wait, John Mayer was playing Nationwide Arena? That explains the hussies and the sissies.
On to the stuff that mattered in the Arena District that night, Hawks vs. Discover. What might have been most relevant was who was missing for both squads. Noticeably absent for Discover was leading goal-scorer, hockey ambassador, and genuinely nice guy Brian (Tool Helmet). Hawks center Mark Monahan was confused. "I wasn't sure where to line up most of the time with Tool Helmet out of the lineup. Thank goodness John Kenyon was there to point me in the right direction." The Hawks were without four of their regular forwards. Two Griffith brothers were missing as Kevin continues to nurse the hand he broke playing Nerfoop against the neighbor kids and Brian ran out of gas driving down 315. Second liners Tom Morgan (back home in NJ auditioning for the second season of Jersey Shore) and Jason Torsok (helping Tiger Woods get ready for his comeback) also decided they had more important things to do.
With new CAHL Commissioner Martin Spanhel in the building, both teams came out ready to go. Each side created chances and controlled pockets of play in the first period, but the goalies stood their ground. Same thing in the second. Any time one team got the momentum or started to take control, the other team created a turnover and an odd-man rush. Still, after two periods, the game was knotted at zero.
The first half of the third period looked just like periods one and two The Hawks' best chance came off a shot from Nick "Minnesota" Lanctot, which Monahan deflected right onto the stick of Chris "Don't call Me Karen" Carpenter. Carp fired it wide of an open net from just outside the crease. "I didn't want Discover to feel bad, so I shot it wide," said a slightly befuddled Carpenter. "As well as I was playing, I knew I'd get another chance." Two shifts after Carpenter's nicety, Hawks keeper Jason Jensen stopped Discover on a 3-on-1, then got to his feet and dumped the puck out his zone so his tired squad could get a change. Asked about Jensen's play, longtime Hawk Joe Factor said "Yep. Jason's good. Did you see any of those chicks headed to the concert? His music may be an F, but his fans are a solid A." Well said, Joe.
With just under four minutes to go in regulation, the Hawks picked up what would be their final power play of the game. Discover won the faceoff in their defensive zone, but Hawks D-man Nate Mensel intercepted the clearing attempt and hit Bryce Griffith at the top of the left faceoff circle. Bryce let loose with a blast that beat the Discover goalie right along the ice. Finally the Hawks had a lead.
Discover never got a good shot at the equalizer as the Hawks tightened up the defense and Jensen kept everything under control. Discover pulled their keeper with just under a minute remaining, and true to his word, Carp got another chance. "The breakout pass was right on my stick, so I carried it across the red line, wound up, and fell down. Did we need a second goal?" asked a slightly perplexed Carpenter. "I decided we didn't."
As the final buzzer sounded, newest Hawks fan John Mayer was seen scrambling to get back through the tunnel into Nationwide Arena. "I'm 45 minutes late going on because I've been watching the Hawks play. They're like my hockey napalm. I'd pay $10,000 to watch them play every Friday night. Now I'm gonna go play some of my adult contemporary hits to a bunch of weenies but I'd rather go have beers with the Hawks."
John, you're always welcome to have beers with the Hawks. Just make sure to bring some of your fans with you.
