John, sequels suck.

SAME PLACE - Did you ever see the movie Rambo II? I did. For the life of me I don't know why. The original was unexpectedly entertaining. Why does Hollywood have to ruin a good thing by piling on a crappy sequel, anyway? Better yet, why the hell did I fall for needing to see more of John Rambo? And who the hell has a name like John when you kick that much ass? Take Arrowhawk left/right wing John Kenyon for example. He's a cool dude and looks like he's got some Rambo in him, but his best feature is when he wears his bifocals at he bar (quite the look -- had to make the MBA students feel like they were going to have to take it up a notch). But his name is John. Sure, there's honor and a biblical meaning to the name, but wouldn't something like Rocco carry more street-cred, or in our case ice-cred?

I digress.

The Hawks played three full periods of hockey tonight. That's a plus. They battled despite having a short bench (again. You suck Mac. Really. I mean, what the hell? Who sets the priorities in your house? I know you have a job and kids and a great wife who's all into philanthropy and helping people, but why can't you be like Tom Cruise in that epic agent movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. and help me help you? We're going to auction your number for beers).

There I go again...

The Hawks skated with two lines tonight. They wore their spiffy new red sweaters and Carp even wore his the correct way. Their opponent wore their blue Whalers sweaters (also quite spiffy) but were pricks and scored more goals then the Hawks. The refs didn't help matters. Danny and Gary, both very cool looking in their zebra stripes and their whistles, couldn't help but make early calls in the Whalers direction. At one point, team GM Rick Titus was called for (shoving? pushing? nudging? physically persuading) one of the Whalers skaters, causing him to fall on the ice. The call was so controversial the Hawks 2 fans screamed in horror. No worries. The Hawks special teams are skilled since they've had so much practice and killed the penalty.

"I was really tired anyway," I said. (this third person speak is strange) "I was hoping there would be blood so I could get a double minor."

The final score was 3-2 Whalers. The game was close, despite the Hawks playing a lousy freakin game dammit. The ice was to blame, definitely. And the zamboni driver, he sucked. He was short and fat and smelled like potato soup. The crowd was lame, except for the kids who were awesome and spirited with their cheers.

Hawks goals were scored by Nick 'Minnesota' Lanctot, the best damn skater in Arrowhawk history (except for Chad Meyer and of course John Mowatt) and Oleg 'Epic' Chetverikov. For the record, Rick Titus assisted on both. So did Nate 'I never met a road bike I have to pedal I didn't like' Mensel (likes to ride over 300 miles a week).

Jason Jensen was awesome on the night. His pads thumped shot after shot and he was his usual awesome self. At this point, the Hawks wouldn't trade Jensen for Steve Mason, the Jackets netminder. "Jay has better hair," admitted Jason Torsok, a healthy scratch for the night. "I'm saving myself for the playoffs." he added.

Terry Walker looks really good in his red helmet and all black socks. He actually moves much better than one would think, considering he's 69 years old and walks with a cane. Nate Mensel looked fatigued out there, but still made the plays when he needed to (shit, I just ended the sentence with a preposition).

Tom Morgan and captain Mark Monahan were good on the night, as they usually are, but just didn't seem to have their usual finishing ability on the night. Give the Whalers credit. They brought their harpoons (ha! couldn't resist).

"This was certainly a bad sequel," said a disappointed Barry Snow. "I don't even feel like eating tonight. I may go toilet paper Carp's house since he lives so close and I won't have to drive. I'll wear my best Rambo outfit so he can't catch me."

Damn sequels.