Pre-session practice notes

After last night’s grueling practice, I deduce the following:

• Torsok can take a right cross to the lid as well as anyone. My intentional high stick to remind him of how powerful I am on the ice didn’t do a thing. That dude is strong on his skates.
• It doesn’t matter what color Nate is wearing, he’s skilled with the puck. If we had a Kristian Huselius on our team, he’d be it. Without the fancy car or big salary, of course. (no offense to your car, Nate, I’m sure it’s a beauty)
• Speaking of fast skating, I’m damn glad Minnesota was on my team during the scrimmage. If I had to chase him, I’d have puked up both lungs. Nick, if you are considering playing defense, god help the other teams. You and Nate back there would be awesome dangling potential.
• Monahan skates all fancy and is a pain in the ass to defend. If I only knew how to hip-check I’d have blasted his ass at least 5 times. I had him lined up all night. He and Morgan were my bitches.
• Nice interference along the boards Morgan. I know, it was the only way you could neutralize my blazing speed.
• Carp put his jersey on correctly.
• Tron was out there. He didn’t say much but maybe cuz’ he’s so damn tall and the sound waves went right over my short ass.
• Joe Factor didn’t look nearly as old as he says he is. I kept sending Joe over the boards because I was so damn tired and thought I was going to have a heart attack on the bench. Good thing he’s got young chicken legs.
• Kenyon wore a white #33 jersey and rang a couple off the post. John’s a good looking kid. It looked like he combed his hair before practice.
• Mac is tall and likes to join the rush. He’s like a missile out there, though a bit wayward. He left me hanging out there more times than I can count. I was like Chris Russell of the Jackets, having to dive to break up odd man rushes all night. Good thing I’m so good, Mac.
• Someone grabbed my pants while on the ice last night. I didn’t see who did it, but whoever you are you are a bastard. It’s hard enough skating without the drag.
• I sucked it up and missed a wide-open rebound in front. The goalie made a stellar save — probably the best of the night — but I still have to finish. Morgan would have finished.
• Hannah is a great skater. She’s like a cool breeze on a humid day, refreshing. I think she might be able to kick Andrew’s ass, though. I heard Tom yelling at her at one point. He said something about her nutsack or something.
• Speaking of Andrew, that cat’s got a quick glove.
• Jensen skated out. He’s reckless and has a powerful stride. Watch out when he shoots though. If you’re anywhere near the back of the net you’ll get drilled in the side of the head (he’s a wild shooter!)

In conclusion... Good practice. I’m awesome. You guys all suck.