Hawks drill Leafs 7-1, sorta

GAHANNA, OH - The Arrowhawks drubbed the Maple Leafs 7-1 Friday before a standing room crowd. The scoresheet indicates a dominating performance, but it was hardly that.

"They were missing most their usual guys," said Mark Monahan. "That team is normally a pain to play. They are very competitive and move the puck with the best of them. It was an off night for them." he added.

The Arrowhawks were missing many of their usual skaters as well, but they had enough key contributors to carry the offense. A very jet-lagged Andrew 'Firenutz' Applehans, fresh off his internship with the American Embassy in China, potted two goals for the Hawks. Apparently the economic cutbacks meant Applehans had to tool around Singapore on a self-propelled Schwinn, carrying his BlueJacket lunchbox over his shoulder the entire time.

"I had to wear a tie," said Applehans. "That was the worst part of it all. Forget the 12 hour flight and four connections. I hate wearing ties," he admitted. [editor note: Andrew wasn't really in China. He just plays hockey like the Chinese perform gymnastics. At least tonight, anyway.]

Speaking of domination, the Arrowhawk's captain was on a mission tonight. He centered the second line between Barry Snow and Rick Titus, notching his second game winner of the session. "It was easy playing with such great skill," said Monahan. "I usually have to carry the load with Morgan and Torsok, but I skated like a free bird tonight since I knew I was covered."

Barry Snow scored his first goal of the session in the third period. Offensive genius Rick Titus made an absolute brilliant breakout pass to spring the fleet-of-foot forward. Snow dangled with speed across the blueline, peeled like Tom Morgan just above the faceoff circle and snapped a laser just past the outstretched glove of the Maple Leaf netminder.

"Their goalie is really big," said Snow after the game. "I figured if I shot low, he'd have a hard time reaching so far." Turns out Snow was right. "But I owe it all to Titus. He's so damn good with the puck, it's like a sixth sense. I don't know how he does it."

"I've watched a lot of really good hockey players and absorbed how they succeed," said a really sweaty Titus from the locker room. "Tommy. Lanctot. Wharton. Kevin and his two brothers. Mac (hate that guy). And of course our captain, Mark. But mostly I owe it all to the refs because I don't think I had three assists tonight," said the bald fat guy.

For a full breakdown, click here.

The Maple Leafs lone goal came from guess who... Mark 'Johnny Red Pants' Waterstreet. Dude skated with the puck for at least a minuite in the Hawks offensive zone -- zigging left, zagging right, going behind the net, shooting once, twice, above the dot, then eventually after the Hawks five players all starting doing jumping jacks in front of Jason Jensen (Hawks really awesome goalie) in an effort to stop the skilled dangler, snapped a laser over Jensen's glove side shoulder and into the net. Instant evidence why he leads the league in points each session. [except last session when Kevin Griffith won the point title] [and this session when Rick Titus and all his awesomeness will capture the crown] [ok, for all you freakin' Eskimos out there, you realize Titus really sucks but likes to write a bunch of crap on this here site]. Was that a compound sentence? I hope no english teachers read this.

My wife is looking for Halloween costumes. Daughter is looking for actual feather wings to be a dead angel cheerleader (no shit) and wife just said, "The woman doesn't come with the wings, but it would be complete otherwise." Hmm... shouldn't an offensive threat like me get to open a cardboard box with a woman with wings popping out? Can we all be so lucky?

I digress. Somewhere in Jersey Tom Morgan is attending a wedding and trying not to think about the Arrowhawks and what he would have brought to the table tonight. And Mac Lawless (hate that guy) is in Miami as I type probably dancing to JLo. He can't dance, by the way.

Man this is a long post.

Freakin Eskimos won a brilliant game against the Whalers. And the Big Pucks lost to an angry Mamas and Papas team. What gives?

I'll close with Jensen is back and he's damn good. Ted filled in nicely and so did TRON and even Kenyon notched an assist tonight. Terry didn't look old out there and he didn't yell at me once so that's good. I'm running out of battery on my laptop, my beer is empty and my dog is snoring. Lanctot is a great skater but better financial genius. If you need money advice, call him.

I'm out.