Arrowhawk Snow leading "Occupy the Ice Haus" Protest this weekend

by Dickie Dunn

COLUMBUS, OH - Hawk stalwart Barry Snow has seen enough. A CBJ season ticket holder since day one, his basement is littered with PSL owner annual appreciation trinkets, but the current ineptitude of the club can no longer be overcome by a shiny plastic replica helmet encased in Lucite. "I'm fed up with all the losing. I started buying seats behind the visitor bench so I could taunt those sucks when the Jackets win." When asked about why he still attends every game without fail he replied, "I'm hoping one of the Mite teams playing between periods will forget to bring a goalie and they'll ask me to suit up. That would be awesome. Plus, it seems like the Predators are in town every other week. My seats are close enough to catch a whiff of Barry Trotz' thinning hair after he comes back from an intermission heater. He tries to cover it up with lilac scented lotion, but I can still smell the Camel nonfilter."

When asked why he was going to protest, Barry became more animated. "I think it's about time the Jackets cleaned house. I've seen some great players come through Nationwide Arena these last 11 seasons. Guys like Yzerman, Crosby, Brodeur, Sakic, and Iginla. We've tried to counter with the likes of Mattias Timander, Radim Bicanek, and Jean Luc Grand-Pierre. I'm sure the guys we trotted out there are nice enough to have a beer with, but there's no chance we could win hockey games with them. The organization is broken and needs to torn down and rebuilt. Oh, and Stinger. He's gotta go, too."

When pressed about his protest plans, Barry gave a preview. "The Hawks play downtown on Friday night. I figure I'll play, grab a couple of beers at the R Bar after the game, then make up some excuse about forgetting my gear in the locker room so one of the security guards will let me back into the Ice Haus. Then I'm going to run away and hide in the Zamboni room until the next morning. That counts as occupying, right?" Will he be joined by other protesters, like the group that plans to protest outside the Arena on Saturday morning? "Nah, I'm really just using the Ice Haus as a place to crash on Friday night. I live really far away and I'm usually pretty tired after we play the Panther/Whalers. I figure a night in the Zamboni room is cheaper than the Hyatt."

Watch out Mssrs. Howson and Priest. Barry might be in the building.