Leafs won't wilt, down Hawks 4-2

DUBLIN, OH - The Maple Leafs handed the Arrowhawks their third consecutive loss Friday with a 4-2 win. The game was close and not decided until the final minutes when Johnny Red Pants took the puck (quite selfishly) from a wide open Andrew 'Firenuts' Applehans and potted an empty netter.

"I was waiting for the puck and he just took it," said a disgusted Applehans after the game. "Like a mean Dad who rips a sucker right from your mouth, he just stole it. I tried to catch him but he got a head start. Otherwise I would have stole it back." he added.

The game began with the Arrowhawks not having a goaltender. That's right folks. For the first time in history, Jason Jensen was late to the game.

Q: Why were you late to the game, Jay?
A: I no longer speak English. I've reverted to my second language, Portuguese, and you'll need to speak through my interpreter. [said Jason's interpreter, a squatty 60-something woman sporting a Ralph Macchio mustache]

Q: Um, OK same question.
A: I was home doing something important. I did NOT, repeat did NOT have the wrong time and rink and I was NOT sitting on the couch trying to take a nap.

Q: Why aren't you speaking English anymore?
A: I will not speak english until we win again

Q: Couldn't you pick something easier, like giving up broccoli?
A: I will not eat that either.

Jensen grabbed his interpreter's arm and they stormed off in a huff. Goalies are strange.

Barry Snow did an excellent job playing goal in Jensen's absence in the opening period. He stopped 4 shots and only gave up a goal.

"Barry was awesome back there," said an impressed Mike Gauthier. "Those weren't easy floaters. They were ripping shots and he just took them. I would never do that. He's freakin' nuts."

The score was tied 1-1 when Jensen arrived.

The action was back and forth from there. The Leafs scored the next 2 goals to take a 3-1 lead. Andrew Applehans took an incredible pass from behind the goal line and scored on a breakaway to cut the lead to 1.

"Lanctot feathered that laser to me. It was awesome. He did it twice, in fact." said Firenuts. Not sure how one can feather a laser, but we'll give Andrew the benefit of the doubt.

But the scoring ended there for the Hawks. Jensen was pulled with a minute left on the clock and the faceoff in the Leafs zone. Thirty seconds and a couple shots into the man advantage, Johnny Red Pants got selfish.

"I'll bet he used to take all the kids balls in the neighborhood and not give them back," said John Kenyon. "Bully."