Saturday, June 28, 2014

Christmas in June?

Should there be an occasion for an Arrowhawk to provide a Christmas card to our fantastic captain Mark Monahan, please consider this. It's a spectacular example of leadership and perseverance in the face of adversity. 

Oh, and the Arrowhawks are off to a brilliant summer session with a record of 6-2

There are some new skaters on the Arrowhawks club this summer. They are slightly more skilled then I am, though they aren't nearly as handsome. Leading the charge are Kurt VonZychlin, Adam DePerro, Ryan Saucek and a determined old guard Bryan Wharton and Kevin Griffith. Tom Morgan is the skipper this session, skating in whatever position is necessary. Ryan Turay, Rob Walls and Jason DeJong are plowing through opponents, providing sound two-way play in both zones as needed. 

The summer session is always a mixed bag from a roster perspective. Nick Lanctot and Ted Bulwinkle continue to work their blue line magic, thwarting attacks in front of netminder Jamie Santho, who remains awesome in net. 

The Eskimos won the league last session and believe it or not have gotten better with two new offensive dynamos. If the Hawks are going to win the hoodie this session, it'll take a full squad effort. 

Terry Walker and Rich Clingman have bolstered the lines with effective play in the offensive zone for the Hawks. Will it be enough? Time will tell. 

Happy Birthday, Mark.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Summer breakdown

Arrowhawk netminder Jamie Santho is off to a great start this session, sporting a 2-0 record and a .5 GAA.

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The summer Hawks roster is loaded with skill. If our opponents are reading this, chances are you haven't yet experienced the storm that is yet to come. As an amateur GM, I'm quite proud of our group this session. It's been a long time coming.

The highlight of our class for me is a highly-skilled defenseman named Adam DePerro. I've been scouting him since he was 10 years-old. No kidding. Good kid, this one. For old farts like me, guys like Adam are that breath of fresh air that help add passion to the night. Not because he's great on the ice, but he plays the game the right way. Anyone who's had the opportunity to take the ice with family would understand. It's a hockey thing. It's in our blood. And to our opponents who line up against him know this, he's a great kid. Loves the game, respects it and plays hard -- the way hockey should be played. Don't cheap-shot this one.

The Hawks have also added Ryan Soucek, a skilled sniper from Cleveland. Soucek has the skill I wish I had. He's steady in both zones and doesn't think he's in the NHL. He's a great addition to our club.

There's another addition we'll just call KVZ. He hasn't played yet, but when he does, he'll make a splash. I'm warning you now, he's almost as good as me. Not quite as slow and deliberate, but rumor has it he makes everyone on the ice better. Watch out, Eskimos.

Bobby Balls, Ryan Turay, Rich Clingman and Jason DeJong round out the club. All are excellent players and will help right the ship this session. Jamie Santho man's the pipes and will be a bitter pill for our opponent to swallow on Fridays. He's sound technically and sports a quick glove. He'll make hall of fame goaltender Jason Jensen proud.

Random photos of former Hawks

Blue. Good dude. Skilled player. Married with kids and hasn't figured out how to balance amazing hockey with being a Dad yet. But when he does, he'll have a home on the ice. Love this kid. 

John Kenyon. They don't get much better than this cat. Great family man. Loves motorcycles and gives everything he has out there. We'll be calling on him again, soon. 

Joe 'No Fear' Factor. Great two-way player. Excellent hockey knowledge and an Arrowhawk lifer. When he's done with his excellent coaching career, we'll call upon him again. 

Andrew Daniels. He plays goalie for Byrnes Pub, but we don't hold that against him. If he ever lines up against you at center, watch out. He's lights out. 

Barry Snow. Some say he's a cold player. Nope, not for us. He's a sound defenseman and knows what to do with the puck. Good guy, this one. 

I hate yellow

The Freakin' Eskimos and their ugly yellow sweaters celebrate after winning their sixth championship of the CAHL Friday night C2 league. 

LEWIS CENTER, OH - The Arrowhawks lost to the freakin' Eskimos in the Winter session semifinals. Their hideous yellow sweaters proved to be way too blinding to overcome, despite the Hawks clearly being the better looking and better educated team. For the record the Arrowhawks can afford to drive $40,000 cars and are married to hotter women who sometimes make more than their husbands. But that's by design. See, the Arrowhawks are busy building muscle in the gym, saving children from burning houses and writing scientific papers about stuff Eskimos wouldn't begin to understand.

Nothing against the Eskimos. They are a fine breed. They play good hockey and positionally drive their opponents nuts. They play clean hockey and we congratulate them on their sixth championship. Do we think they'll get a Friday night CAHL record number seven this summer?


But congrats on #6.

Did I mention it's Eskimo week? Freakin' Eskimos. GRrrrrrrrrr.....

Friday, April 4, 2014

Hawks best Bombers 6-1

COLUMBUS, OH - The Arrowhawks ended the 2014 Winter session with a hard-fought win against the Bombers 6-1 before 6 fans tonight. The win slotted the Hawks as the fifth seed in the playoffs, with a 7-5 record, 34 goals for and 28 goals against.

Jamie Santho manned the pipes and was brilliant when called upon. Goals were scored by five different  players. The Hawks were undermanned with only nine skaters, but dictated play firing 35 shots on the night.

Perennial point man and top center Bryan Wharton got lost someplace in Columbus and couldn't make the game. His loss was felt on the bench as the Hawks iced only three defenseman, Nick Lanctot, Tyler Moats, who was freakin brilliant, and Ted Bulwinkle who continued to demonstrate his fancy crossover skating, thwarting Bombers all night.

Kevin Griffith opened the scoring just 24 seconds into the game. From there the Hawks never looked back.

"We were concerned about Kevin's ability tonight," said LW Tom Morgan who played off wing on the top line. "He entered the game with a full gut of cheesecake and chimmichongas. He tried to vomit on the bench several times but to no avail. Although his digestive track let him down, he didn't let us down. He was solid and might have won a face off or two, despite treating each drop like he was allergic to the puck." he added.

New Arrowhawk Ryan Turay potted two important goals to give the Hawks the spark they needed down the stretch.

"We got effort from all lines tonight," said Oleg Chetverikov, fresh off a conditioning stint swimming 5 miles in a speedo the day before the game. "I needed to get my lungs back for the playoff push," said Chetverikov after the game.

Many of the Hawks regulars were scratched for the game. Captain Mark Monahan, Jason Torsok, Mac Lawless, Terry Walker and Rich Clingman were preoccupied with various parental duties and such.

Fortunately for the Hawks, Tyler Moats provided speed when needed. He was a force on the blueline and has steadily become a powerful player in the Friday division.

Next up? Playoffs. The Hawks will battle against Byrnes Pub in the playoff opener. They'll do their best next Friday to solve the Andrew Daniels goaltending dilemma in hopes of their league-leading seventh championship.

"It's a tall order," said Morgan. "But I think we're up for it."

Two Amigos to miss session finale

Two of the three amigos will miss the session finale against the Bombers tonight. Captain Mark Monahan and top-line right wing Jason Torsok will be out of the lineup, leaving LW Tom Morgan as the lone amigo.

Team spokesman John Ryder confirmed a report that both will be attending a Def Leppard concert in Brazil, as part of an overarching CAHL branding campaign to promote central Ohio hockey to underprivileged Brazilians in advance of the World Cup.

"We think Brazil is an untapped market," said executive vice president of business development, Bill Miller. "Our focus groups have indicated the fine citizens of Brazil have an affinity for slow developing sports and we think we have a lot to offer in that regard."

Miller and CMO Barry Snow are four days into a ten day hospitality tour of the nation.

Fake SI covers (no they aren't real)

I was transferring files between deadlift sets this morning and re-discovered some old SI covers. 

LEGAL NOTICE: They aren't real. The SI folks have more prolific athletes to grace their covers then the Hawks. Nope, not the Eskimos, either. I spoke with their creative director and he said they try and avoid overrated, aging hockey players in ugly yellow sweaters. Ditto for the Maple Leafs. They said Johnny Red Pants faded pink pants would have to be altered in photoshop and that contradicts their editorial policy. So there's that. 
(no I didn't really speak with their CD. Again, don't sue us, because we have no money.)