Friday, April 1, 2016

Hawks secure top seed, drop Whalers 3-1

Star Arrowhawk LW Ryan Soucek (SOO-check, not SAUCE-eck) skipped the post game cely and carma reared her ugly head. A former pit-boss for the Formula-1 Ferrari team, Soucek had his tire changed in less than 4-minutes, a new Arrowhawk record.

COLUMBUS, OH - The Arrowhawks just put a bow on their winter 2015-2016 regular session, dropping the Whalers 3-1 and finishing in first place and the top seed for the playoffs. It was a spirited game dominated by the Hawks in both zones, though the score didn't reflect the imbalance.

"The Whalers have added some skilled players that we were aware of, but in the end we did a good job controlling the puck and keeping the pressure in their zone," said captain Tom Morgan after the game. "All three lines contributed with good puck possession, though I think we could have gotten a bit more out of the big ox, Bobby Balls." he added.

"The Whalers have a former SUNY captain girl defenseman on their team who's darn good. Many times tonight, Bobby had chances but she treated him like a red-headed step child, taking the puck and making him look silly," Morgan said.

Rob Walls normally skates with controlled aggression and purpose but was off his game tonight.

"Wails had some good plays for sure, but he didn't play his normal physical game," said assistant captain Bryan Wharton. "He was complaining about the ice and the fact that the fans didn't seem to be enjoying his presence. There were no signs tonight like last week about getting puppies if he scored. I think that bummed him out. He was affected, for sure," he added while chuckling "laughing my shit out" on his way to the locker room. He's an odd cat.

One player who was on his game was defenseman Ted Bulwinkle. Ted notched a critical empty-net goal late in the third period to ice the game.

"Ted's goal was a seeing-eyed shot from 150 feet. I didn't think it was going to make it, but he did load up on carbs before the game so his normally weak wrister trickled its way into the open net," said linemate Adam DePietro, er DePerro.

The game was close through 30 minutes until Tom Morgan capitalized on a loose puck in front to put the Hawks up 2-1. The Hawks never trailed in the game because net minder Jamie Santho flashed a quick glove and covered rebounds like a cracked-up mountain lion.

New winger Greg Cunneyworth continued to display excellent opportunistic positional play, scoring the first goal for the Hawks at 6:49 in the first period. His line, with center Danny Koman and Mitchell Derr were outstanding all night. The trio notched 16 shots on goal and kept the Whalers deep in their zone all night.

Defenseman Nick Lanctot and RJ Landrus were studs on the night. They gave the Whalers all they could handle in both zones. Lanctot setup many scoring chances with his puck possession behind the net and Landrus was one of the fastest players on the ice.

The three stars were #1 Tom Morgan, #2 Greg Cunneyworth and #3 Jamie Santho.

Next up for the Hawks is the opening round of the playoffs and a matchup with 8-seed 1-11-0, whom they defeated 5-3 during the season.

Rob Walls and Ted Bulwinkle celebrate their victory over the Whalers and finishing top in the league.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Merry Christmas CAHL Friday Nighters

On behalf of the Arrowhawks, I'd like to personally wish all the Friday C2 beer leaguers a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I sincerely hope each of you eat and drink so much that you come to camp 10 pounds overweight so you are a step slower and lose just enough skill that we can overtake you. I'm talking to you Your Ad Here, Yogis and (freakin) Eskimos. If you're on the fence, please spend the extra coin needed to fatten your goalies so they are a tad slower with their glove hand. Buy them pizza. Buy them beers. Buy them whatever quacky royalty they desire so they're happy and fatten their bellies. Ivan, I'll do my best to make sure you aren't on your game because the Roosters have gotten too damn good for their own good.

In the event you Friday nighters are thinking the Arrowhawks are taking the rest of the league lightly, I may have forgotten my point. It is, after all, 1:51 a.m. Christmas morning and I have wrapping to do. But rest assured, our club is under strict orders to get 10 hours of sleep per night and skate 4 hours per day to obtain our seventh championship. Eskimos, please change your jersey color to something other than yellow as that seems to be our kryptonite. Or maybe it's just good positional hockey and excellent goaltending. On that note, please get lazy Bombers and Byrnes Pub. The fact that any team can defeat any team vexes me and I don't need more vexing. I'd like to remain fat and out of shape and still be able to win more games than we lose. You're commitment to good hockey threatens my way of life. But I digress.

Happy Holidays all. Eat an extra four pounds of chicken wings.


Morgan named captain of the Arrowhawks

It is with great honor that the Arrowhawks have named LW Tom Morgan captain for 2016 and beyond. Tom's appointment is long overdue. He embodies all the qualities a beer league hockey player like me longs for – skill, tenacity, commitment, loyalty, humor, dedication and a longing to make a difference. His leadership is unquestioned and his presence is invaluable. "There have been three captains in our storied 16-year history and I can't think of a better leader to carry the torch," said chief bottle washer Rick Titus, overrated utility winger with lungs of a smoker (but never smoked).  Tom carried an overwhelming 98% among 29 votes. A resounding captain sure to continue what Mark Monahan and Rick Tyler started. Congratulations Tom!

Bryan Wharton, A

Congratulations to top line center Bryan Wharton who's been named an alternate captain for the Arrowhawks. Wharton's leadership is unquestioned on the ice. He's a stellar two-way player, controlling play in the offensive zone and thwarting opponents attack with aggressive back-checking.
"Bryan is a beast for us and our team is noticeably better when he's on his game," said Arrowhawk utility fat guy Rick Titus. "If it's true that the first rule of management is to surround yourself with excellent playmakers, we're in great hands with Bryan down the middle," he added. "I can't think of a better difference-maker than Wharton. He's just a great example of awesome."